Validation is a Two-Edged Sword

I like validation. Validation is important, not just to me but for most people. I took a relationship class once at BYU Education Week and they said the key to good communication was: validate, validate, validate! I don't know why, but I *need* people to understand where I'm coming from and what I feel. I just do.

BUT sometimes validation is not a good thing. For example, when we lived in Utah we lived in my husband's grandpa's very old house. It was a tiny house, built in 1904, it had two bedrooms and one teeny tiny bathroom. With brown carpet. And what I mean by that is nasty brown carpet IN the bathroom. Don't worry, eventually we got rid of the carpet, but I remember having a conversation with two of my cousins: one was saying that she thought I'd done such a cute job on our little house (it was pretty gross when we moved in, the person living there before us was a bachelor and smoked), and I was saying something like how much I hated that little bathroom. The one cousin said "Oh no, its just fine! You've made it so cute!" and the other cousin started laughing and said "Yeah, not my favorite bathroom! hahaha!" And I remember thinking, yeah I know I just said I hated it but I didn't want you to agree with me. *big tear drop, sad face* (side note: I LOVE that cousin, and I get she wasn't trying to be mean, I get where she's coming from too, it still hurt though.)

So in some instances validating people is not a good thing. I hate it when you admit to something, you've already acknowledged it and someones like "You really DO do that!" Thanks, yup, already aware.

So, here's a list I thought of that you should NEVER validate someone on:

*"I always look so fat in this shirt."

*"I know I sound selfish, but..."

*"I'm really bad at..."

*"I'm a bad parent."

*"I struggle with..."

*"I'm not very nice."

*"I'm ugly."

*"I hate my hair."

*"I know this is silly to be upset over but..."

*"I have issues with..."

*"My teeth are yellow."

*"My nose looks like a rats."

*"I have muffin top."

*"I need to lose weight."

*"My husband's a jerk."

*"My kids are naughty."

*"I know I sound crazy, but bobby pins are important to me..."

Please, don't agree with someone on these kind of statements. You are not doing anyone a favor, you are not "helping" them be a better person. Usually someone says those kinds of things for you to tell them that its not true and they really are a great person. So, unless you are that person's sister and they are really truly asking you for advice, then just don't do it.

Don't. Do. It.

Less Money, Mo Problems

You know what?

I'm tired of being poor. I really REALLY am.

Before I go into this, I will start with a disclaimer: I know there are people in worse off situations than I am. I know that I should be grateful for what I do have. I KNOW. Believe me, I know.

Its just sometimes I get so tired of worrying about how we're going to pay this bill or where the money's going to come from to pay for this that just came out of nowhere. And I'm tired that every penny has to go to something responsible. Maybe sometimes I want to buy something fun, maybe I want to buy some clothes, maybe I want to be frivolous for two minutes without regretting it. Maybe I don't want to have to worry if its going to be okay to go out to dinner or to the zoo, like normal people get to do.

I shouldn't look at other people and compare their situations to mine, but it is SO HARD sometimes. Its like all these people are right there in my face constantly with their big houses and their money and I WANT THAT. I WAAAAAAAANT IT.

People are so judgemental towards people who don't have money too. If I told you I was on food stamps and you saw me at the store buying soda and chips, you would think I'm being irresponsible or wasting that free money right? Well, gosh dang, I can't buy anything, you're going to begrudge me some freaking chips too?! Do I get any sort of indulgence ever?

Honestly, I want to be rich because I want it to just be easy for awhile. There are a bunch of other things already that weigh on me, and I would like the money weight to be lifted.

That would be nice.

Okay, pity party over. I feel like I go through highs and lows where I'm okay with our situation and I realize that money isn't whats important in life, but then when things start to pinch I want an easy solution. And of course, nothing I come up with to make extra money is ever going to be instantaneous and solve all our problems, so I'm stuck feeling overwhelmed by it. Someday I'll figure it out. Or else we'll get rich and I won't have to. I really hope its the second thing... ;)

Achy Breaky--I'll Break Your Leg

Hellllooooo there!

So.

I'm back.

For reals this time.

My computer is fixed and I think I've made it to a happier, less stressful place and I am ready to blog again. I think.

You know what I feel like blogging about? You are so about to find out!

Last night my husband and I watched that "Surprise Homecoming" show. I really didn't think I could stand watching it, I was tearing up bad just watching the commercials. This wasn't planned either, we were just watching "Cake Boss" and this just so happened to come on afterwards, and we were totally sucked into it. It wasn't as hard as I thought it was going to be, especially because Billy Ray Cyrus is the host.

Can I say that man made me crazy the entire show?!

Just starting with how the man looks. He still has a mullet. Which makes me want to punch him in the head. Then he was wearing some ridiculously--and I mean ridiculous--tight pants. With a leather jacket. Gosh what a douche.

So then every time he opened his mouth it was some outrageous crap. At one point he was introducing this soldier during an assembly and was all, "This man is my hero. He is my biggest hero. Please applaud...(pulls out an index card and READS OFF HIS NAME) Cpt. Blah Blah Blah." Are you freaking kidding me?! You couldn't respect this man enough to remember his name?! Then he says some garbage at some point about how he can relate to having a child in a war zone and how hard that is...uhhhhh, he does?! And THEN he said something like "I am so glad I could do this for them." What, you really didn't do anything. They would have a homecoming whether he was there or not, whether it was on tv or not, he really didn't do much of anything. At one point he tried to make some joke about Miley waiting out in the truck and I wanted to kick him in the groin. He just came off as such an idiot. By the end of it, I was irked. I just think the host should be someone who has the tiniest inkling of whats its like to be apart of the military, but its a pretty intense situation and deserves someone that knows how to treat the families with some sensitivity.

Alrighty, that is all. For now.

Some Seriously Deep Crap

I was watching America's Next Top Model the other day and one of the girls won a challenge about being a good role model and another one of the girls was really upset because she felt that girl didn't deserve it. She felt like the girl was fake, and pretty much she was getting away with a lie. She felt justified in saying something--almost like she had to say something--because she was TELLING THE TRUTH and that person WAS LYING.

Tyra (O Wise Crazy One) said something along the lines of, you have to be professional, and its one of the hardest things to keep your mouth shut when you feel like you should say something about someone's character because you need to tell the truth.

Its really is so frustrating. We're taught our whole lives to stand up for whats right, to do the right thing even when its hard, to tell the truth and be honest; and yet, we get to be adults and thats not really what people want you to do. They want you to look past their faults, they want you to get over yourself, they want you to mind your own business, they want you to keep your mouth shut. Nobody likes a tattle tale. And yet we train our kids their whole lives to BE a tattle tale. To let us know whats going on, to not keep secrets.

What would you do if you knew some personal information about someone, and they were telling your best friend complete and total lies, then your friend came to you and was talking about it to you? Do you keep your mouth shut? Do you set your friend straight? Do you share, do you keep quiet?

There's so many different sides to this. The person who you know is lying, now says you're judgmental. Doesn't matter that what they did was horrible, you're judging them so that means YOU'RE bad. Somehow when you "tattle" on someone, no matter how true it is, you get made to be the bad person. You're a gossiper, you're intolerant, you're mean.

Maybe you're not trying to judge someone, maybe you're just trying to be honest. Maybe you were raised by a mother who despised lying, and its hard for you to take any of it. I know I was. I HATE when people lie. Hate it. So its hard not to want to stand up and say "THAT ISN'T TRUE!!" But is it my place? Is it right?

Why is it so hard to sit back and watch someone "get away" with something? Its not my place to inflict justice on someone, but it sure is hard not to want to sometimes! Do you struggle with this? Do you wish people would stop lying and just take responsibility for their actions? Or does it not bug you, let people live their lives and thats that?

What do you think?

Cute, and then Not so Cute

Things kids do that are "cute," that are very much not "cute" when adults do them:

*pass gas. It is totally cute when a little baby "toots", not at ALL when an adult does. Hysterical when little kids do it, nope still not funny when my husband does.

*yawn. I love a sweet little baby yawn, its adorable. When an adult yawns all huge, wide mouth open, uh-uh: not cute.

*walk unsteadily. You know when a baby's first learning to walk and they look like Frankenstein? Their arms out and they're wobbly and bow legged and shuffling. SO CUTE. If I walked around like that people would be rushing away in the other direction.

*stare at you grinning. I look down at my baby constantly to catch him staring at me with a big ol' grin on his face, its the sweetest thing. Like he was just waiting for me to look at him and he couldn't help smiling. Now, if I looked across a room at a man staring at me with a big ol' grin on his face, I'd probably slap him.

*steal your food. I was at a baby shower last night, and there was a little 18 mo. old girl there who was so stinkin' cute! She was walking around the room and would stop at people's plates and smile and reach over for a chip or whatever looked good. It was hilarious and so cute. Now if I walked around the room and started grabbing food off other people's plate I'd probably get stabbed with a fork.

*suck their thumb. SO cute to watch a little baby find their fingers and suck them. I hope I don't ever see an adult sucking their thumb, for reals.

*eating. Have you noticed when a toddler eats, he smears food all over his face? Its so funny and cute to watch them try and get a spoon in their mouth and get the food all over their nose and chin and hair and ears. Now picture an adult, wide mouthed trying to maneuver a spoon and getting it all over their face (picture it! I mean really picture them eating like a toddler! DO IT!). So. Not. Cute.

*being honest. When a kid tells you your teeth are yellow, or you have a big belly, its cute because you know they're just being honest. If an adult told me I was fat, I'd probably punch them in their big fat gut.

I compare adults and kids all the time, the biggest thing that just stymies me is: crying. From babies to little kids, when they cry they wail. They make noises and sounds and say "WAAH!", why don't we do that as an adult when we cry? At what point in your life do you stop wailing? And why do we stop if thats obviously the natural way to cry since a baby does?

These deep thoughts so weigh on me...