Friday, April 12, 2013

Oh, Here We Go Again...

Its that time again: the one time a month I feel like blogging because I'm on my period and hormonal and crazy and in a rant.

I've been thinking about friends lately, and I realized that for the most part, I've always been the "sidekick" kind of friend. I like to pick someone with a strong personality, and I want to be their little favorite buddy. I want to nuzzle into their side and make them like me, and thats pretty much how things have gone for me. Me, feeling insecure, wanting to find a friend who's confident and will let me hang on for the ride.

And you know what? I'm done with that. I don't need someone else's confidence anymore, I'm good with who I am. But there's also this: I'm lonely. I wish this moving to a whole new place and making new friends didn't have to be so dang hard, and take so dang long!

So when's it my turn? When do I get MY little sidekick who seeks ME out and wants to be MY best buddy?? HUH??

Why don't I have someone that wants to just stop by and hang out with me at my house? No one EVER wants to come to my house! WHY?! I don't get it and I feel a little offended over it, I feel a little indignant for my house's sake. Like I need to reassure it and tell it that there's nothing wrong with it, people are just dumb sometimes.

I know I'm not the most outgoing when I first move somewhere new, its hard for me to walk up to strangers. I don't know if you're nice, if you're weird, if you're going to talk back to me, if you're going to yell at me, I don't know whats going on around here, I don't know anything! But I've tried really hard to be friendlier lately, really! We've been in this ward for six whole freaking months, I've been to play groups, I raise my hand in Relief Society to answer questions (to looks of: "who the crap is she??"), I go to baby showers of people I have no idea who they are. And while I'm there, the people are fine, they are nice, I feel like we could get along but the feeling I get most is that they already have their little groups and since they have friends they don't need to worry about making an effort more than the obligatory invite to play group. I went to our ward Temple night and stood outside with a member of the bishopric and his wife and the Primary President, who didn't say more than two words to me.

And maybe I'm too prideful, but I'm not going to just throw myself at people.

And now this is me taking a deep breath and letting it all out. *wwoooooooossshhh* I'm done. I don't care anymore, and by that I mean, I still want friends but I'm not going to feel bad about it anymore. I will still work on it, but I won't let it get me down. (I hope.)

Alright? Is that better? Sorry for this regurgitated rant that keeps coming back. I don't know why its been so frustrating this time around. (I think maybe its because I made such great friends in our old ward, its hard not to compare how friendly that ward was and then the fact that those great friends are only half an hour away is making it hard to let go.)

Do you make friends in a new place easily? What are your tips? What do you do to get to know people? (PLEASE please PLEASE, give me some tips!) Are you the sidekick or the main friend? Do you hold everyone together or are you happy to just have one friend and call it good?