Thursday, April 29, 2010

Flip Side


My four year old puts her underwear on backwards pretty much every time she puts underwear on. Which is often because she's lazy and holds it until she pee's her pants. So she changes underwear more than should be normal. And she always puts her shoes on the wrong feet. ALWAYS. Do you think she's dyslexic?

My two year old looks ginormous now. It seriously makes me freaked out. Not only does he feel super heavier than before the baby got here, but his head...HIS HEAD. Its huge. I mean he looks like a handicapped child or something now, his head is just abnormally large. Its hard to look at him sometimes...

My seven year old threw the biggest fit today over wearing her tennis shoes as opposed to her church shoes for school. So huge a fit that she hid in her closet, wouldn't go with grandma (who's taking her to school right now), wouldn't get out of the car, wouldn't go into the school, until my mother in law had to bring her back home. I am so irritated by this, I can't even put it into words. Why are kids such snots? And the fact that she thinks she's going to have fun today?Ohhh she's in for a rude awakening.

The baby's beautiful dark hair is already like two shades lighter! WAAHH!


My four year old is an independent girl who likes to pick out her own clothes and get herself dressed, I don't have to worry about getting her ready ever.

My two year old is acting like such a big boy! He is talking so well, its so fun to hear him come up with new sentences he hasn't said before "I dunno?" or "Mommy? Whad you say?" Its adorable and I love that when he sits next to me when I'm holding the baby, at random times he leans over and kisses baby's head. Sweet!

My seven year old. Grrrr, don't know if I'm over this morning yet. *deep breath* Okay, my seven year old is a good girl, who is probably too mature for her age and is allowed a break down every once in awhile when there's so many changes and hard things going on in her life right now. Maybe her mom needs to step back and spend some time with her so she won't feel the need to have major meltdowns.

This baby warms my wittle heart, I love babies!!

Monday, April 26, 2010

About Time!

Alright people, you might have noticed (or maybe I don't blog that often and you haven't noticed at all) that I haven't been around the last few days. And the reason for that would be?!?! You guessed it:


Since I usually try to keep this blog funny (epic fail, I know), I wouldn't normally post a birth story, but gosh dang it, I'm gonna. We'll see how this goes, but I'm going to try to share this experience with you because I think its good for women to share and compare. And you can't beat this one. (Just kidding) :) I think its nice to share good birth stories and not always have to hear "its AWFUL, just get the epidural!!!"

So this starts a few months ago...haha, not going back to the very beginning, I mean something else, get your mind out of the gutter! A few months ago I decided that I didn't want to have an epidural, and I wanted to have this baby naturally. I've had many different birth experiences, my first was natural, my second was induced/had an epidural, my third was in the middle of the night/epidural and this time I wanted a different experience. I wanted to be more in control and calm. My friend had done hypnobirthing and I really loved her story and experience. So I ordered the book and read the book and LOVED the book. It made so much sense and it was just great information, if you want to do hypnobirthing I would highly recommend taking the classes (which I didn't do because I don't have a spouse here and just couldn't figure out how to work it out time wise).

Next part of the story, you may have caught on that I was overdue. Maybe not...I don't think I mentioned it at all or was even remotely crazy about it...whatever. Shut up. So being overdue is rough, I mean really, being pregnant is rough anyway, so being overdue can just be hellish. I was tired and uncomfortable and REALLY tired of everyone calling me and asking if I was EVER going to have this baby and why I don't just go get induced. Well, I didn't want to! And I'm stubborn, especially if you push me. :)

Next part I don't really want to go into very much, but my doctor and I had a little run in. And I wasn't very happy about the way he talked to me and what he was sort of pushing me into doing, this was last thursday. I pretty much cried that whole day, and just prayed and prayed that I would go into labor so this could be done with. And that night/next morning I started having contractions.


I woke up just before 3am and the contractions were like 2-4 minutes apart. And I was uncomfortable. And I was tired. After about an hour, I called my sister (who was going to be my support person) and asked her what I should do. She told me to call the hospital and talk to the nurses, so I did. She's smart. They told me to drink some water, maybe take a bath, see if they got stronger. So I waited and they WERE getting stronger, so I called my sister again and told her to get over here! We got to the hospital about 5am and I was trying really hard to concentrate and breath and relax. It wasn't easy with all the five billion questions they ask you, but I was trying. I'm not going to lie to you and say it was easy, the contractions were hard and I was already at a five when I got there, and I wasn't sure what I wanted to do. A part of me REALLY wanted to get the epidural and not feel this any more, and another part of me REALLY didn't want to. I was faltering and I wasn't sure what to do. They gave me a little something to "take the edge off" and I think it gave me just the teensiest bit of relief to keep going. The doctor got there a little bit later and broke my water, I was a seven then and all of a sudden I was in a LOT of pain. I pretty much progressed to a ten in just a few more contractions. I have to tell you, it was really hard! And I know that sounds stupid, like DUH labor hurts! But it was REALLY hard, and I was breathing hard and I was saying "oh my gosh!" and I wasn't sure what I should do because holy hell! And then it was time to push, and dude, that didn't feel so hot either! But I was trying to concentrate and just do it and get this beautiful baby here! So then after just a few pushes, he was here!

This is what I want you to know: even though it was incredibly painful, it really honestly was worth it. When they handed him to me, I have never seen one of my babies be more awake and alert. He was looking all around, he was calm and he looked like he knew exactly what was going on. It was amazing. I didn't have to deal with any of the epidural mess, which in my opinion is scary and painful in itself, and I didn't have to deal with the recovery part of that on top of the other recovery. It was a really cool experience.

I went into the hospital at 5am and he was born at 7:17am. He weighed 8 lbs and is 19in long. And we named him Kimball David. He is beautiful and perfect and has DARK hair! I can't believe it, all my kids have been super light haired, so fun! And he HATES his diaper being changed.

p.s. Remember how I told you I thought I'd go into labor after I finished reading Cjane's story? Totally did! Crazy huh?

p.s.s. My sister was so awesome to me, if I couldn't have my husband there, I wouldn't have wanted any other person, she was amazing and so supportive. I am so grateful for everything she's done and continues to do for me. You just needed to know that ok?

Thursday, April 22, 2010

Smelly Pits

I got this new deodorant. I like a certain smell from Dove, but they didn't have that scent in the two pack so I got a different kind I thought would be fine. Dude. This stuff is STRONG. I feel like every time I move my arms I'm catching a punch to the face of flowery freshness. Yikes.

Remember when you were a teenager and the stupidest things you would find hilarious? Yeah, I had a friend where we thought the word 'deodorant' was the funniest thing we'd ever heard. You'd think we were drunk or high or something, but no. "Deodorant" HEHEHEHEHEHEHEEEEEE!! Then the word morphed into "deodrorent" and somehow that was EVEN MORE FUNNY! Wheee!

Teenagers are dumb.

I think its funny that I was totally a hyper, obnoxious, dumb and super silly teenager and those are mostly the teenagers that bug me the worst. Hmmm, whats that say about me? I don't know and oh well.

p.s. I've been reading CJane's birth story, and I feel this impending climax that I'm going to go into labor as soon as she gets to that part of the story, do you think it'll happen?! Nah, me neither.

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Avert your Eyes, this isn't Pretty

Oh I am going to RANT today. (I rant every post, so whats new?)

By the way, YES, I am still pregnant. I'm pretty sure once I'm not pregnant, these sorts of posts will be few and far between, we can all hope (and pray).

So, ever since the whole Obama healthcare thing started, I've been super annoyed with Facebook. There are a few things about Facebook status updates that completely bug me. I think that political agendas are stupid to put up on Facebook. Its Facebook for goodness sake, people don't get on Facebook to hear your stupid political crap, they get on Facebook to play farmville and poke each other. Duh. (side note: I also don't appreciate super religious status' as well, not that I'm not religious but once again, its FACEBOOK. People are on there to stalk you and look at your pictures, I don't go to Facebook for my daily uplifting scriptures.) It just bugs me. Do what you want, its your Facebook and its your status, I'm just going to be annoyed every time I see your name.

Now going back to the whole political crap, I am going to go bazerk if I hear one more time that if you're on government assistance you are a lazy ass and taking other people's money. I am seriously going to freak out! Guess what? I HAVE been on government assistance, I've been on food stamps, I've been on medicaid, the government paid my rent in February, does that make me lazy?! Are you kidding me?! Count your flipping blessings that you haven't had to be in the position to have to use those programs, its not like I'm having the government pay for me to go on a caribbean cruise and the mortgage on my mansion. Don't be stupid. What a glamorous life I live to be on Medicaid.

I totally understand if you really need some extra help and you're just barely over for qualifying and you don't get help. That sucks. But don't turn around and rip people apart for getting what you were applying for! If you did qualify you would be on government assistance, and thats what you want! So why when you can't get assistance, is everyone else lazy and worthless, just because you don't qualify? If you had qualified, would you then be lazy and worthless? Such a stupid thing to say. And if you were just dumb and made stupid financial decisions, then I really don't feel bad for you. Take responsibility and stop blaming everyone else. GAH.

Alright, deep breath. Sorry for the rant, but I REALLY needed to get that off my chest. Maybe now, with all the relief I can go into labor. You think? Nah, me neither.

Sunday, April 18, 2010

Why I Shouldn't Go Out in Public Now

Its not because I'm hideously humongous right now (although I am). But because I am hideously hateful instead.

Yesterday (because I STILL haven't had this baby--I have never even been close to being past due, and now FOUR DAYS people, FOUR DAYS. And no end in sight!! waaahh) my mom and my sister's family and me and my kids all went to the Spring Fair. I'm thinking "I haven't been to the Fair in forever and I love the fair! Let's do it!" and mostly I'm really thinking "Walking around a bunch BETTER freaking put me into labor. Oh, and elephant ears....mmmmmmm!" So we went.

I was irritated the entire time. I hate people. People are stupid idiots. This is how it starts: Melinda HUNGRY.

Now if you know anything about being very pregnant (or even a little pregnant), when you get to the point where you just have to eat, you better get something FAST or you're going to do something you regret. Or mostly, I end up crying because I'm HUNGRY and feel helpless and I need to eat NOW. So anyway, I get in line for this burger that seriously is gonna cost me $5 and there's this big poster right in front that says "Excepts Visa and Mastercard." Goody. So I get in line, and these two big fat people cut in front of me, and I'm pissed because who seriously cuts off a huge pregnant woman?! And on top of that, they aren't even ready to order, they're still discussing! I will be honest here, I was giving them the death stare, because I was HUNGRY! They felt the heat of my hate and turned slowly toward me and were like "Ohhh, uhhh, would you like to go in front of us, we're still deciding." And I was like "YES!" (freaking idiots) So I get up to the girl and I order this stupid cheeseburger, and she says "That'll be $5.19." and I hand her my card, and she tells me "We only except cash." and I say "You have a sign RIGHT THERE." and she says "Yeah, but our machine's down and we're only taking cash." And I very rudely say "Then take your SIGN DOWN!" and stomp off, trying not to cry the angry tears. Then my brother-in-law had to go back and buy me a stupid tiny worthless cheeseburger. I'm not kidding, on top of all that, it was the most pathetic cheeseburger I've ever had! All that was on it was a tiny thin patty, a not melted piece of cheese, and ketchup. Thats it.

So thats how it started, and it really didn't get much better from there. That didn't stop us from staying for four hours, but somehow I managed to be irritated and annoyed the whole time. Lucky family I have, yeah?

Now here's the thing you need to know, I am NOT confrontational. Not even to ridiculously rude strangers. I rarely speak up and say anything, even when I think the person really, REALLY deserves it. Mostly I mentally rip them apart and then tell my sister about it. But yesterday? Nope, I was dishing it out all over the place. I think there were atleast five different instances where I made a snippity remark to a snotty stranger. It was insane!

And its fine if you think I'm a hypocrite for calling people rude when I'm being rude to them, I really don't care. (SEE?! I'm feeling so snotty!)

I really can't wait to be done with this pregnancy, its really turning me into a monster. A MONSTER I say! And that is why I won't be going out in public anymore until I have this baby, unless I go to Arby's or Jack in the Box. Then watch out fast food worker!

(p.s. I worked myself up all over again just writing this, and when I go to publish it? DELETED! GAH! What is going on, is nothing right in the world?!)

Wednesday, April 14, 2010


A have nothing to blog about. The only thing going on in my life right now is waiting for this baby. Thats all I do. Wait. And yell at my kids. Because they are TOTALLY bugging me.

Happy Wednesday people.

(p.s. It's my due date today. And I have tried everything to "naturally" induce labor. I'm telling you, he's hiding out because he's too scared to get here. Face your fears baby!!)

Sunday, April 11, 2010

Run for your Life!

I'm really tired of being pregnant. I went to my regular appointment on Friday and the doctor says I'm not dilated AT ALL. This hasn't happened to me with any of my other pregnancies, I've always started dilating like a month before and been at a 1 or 2 for a couple weeks. But with this one? Nada. Nothing. Just BLAH.

My son is insane. He didn't use to be this way. He was the sweetest baby and mellow and laid back and so fun, and then...he turned one. And after that it just went down hill. He all of a sudden figured out that he's a BOY and boys are supposed to be NAUGHTY! When I talk to him about the baby, do you know what he says? "Baby MEAN!" Seriously. I ask him if he wants to see the new baby and he tells me "NO!" and I ask him if he'll be nice and hug the new baby, and he says once again: "NO! Baby MEAN!"

So then it hit me. This baby isn't coming out because its freaking scared of my son! I can't blame him for being terrified for his life. I know I am. Because heaven knows that boy doesn't have a gentle bone in his body, he is all rough and tumble.

I'm thinking they're either going to have to induce me, or this baby is going to be hiding in the darkest recesses of my womb for a LONG time. Poor nameless baby.

Friday, April 9, 2010

Crying Wolf!

My son calls "wolf" all the time. Except instead of "wolf" he says "poopy! poopy!"

I'm not kidding, EVERY time this kid pees in his diaper, he gets this look on his face and starts whining "poopy! poopy!" Its so bad that he seriously does it when he's asleep. He'll wake up crying and mumbling "poopy! poopy!"

It makes me crazy. Because he's not even poopy! Hello?!

And when he IS actually poopy, he goes and hides and won't come out and runs away from me. I would say its time to potty train him, except he can't pull down his pants yet, and thats sort of a problem you know, for going on the toilet. Plus, I told my husband that its his job to potty train the boys since they have matching parts (more likely because I HATE POTTY TRAINING) and since my husband won't be back until June, I guess potty training won't start until after then.

Until then I guess I'll have to deal with the "poopy! poopy!" whining. That or I'll just duct tape his mouth or something.

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

Its Raining, Its Pouring...Showers

As I sit here considering taking a shower I think, "Showers are complicated."

You wouldn't think they're that complicated, that you just get in and wash up and get out, but NO, they ARE complicated.

When I was a teenager I used to lay on the bath floor and just sleep for awhile, while the shower washed down, it was so nice. I took long showers then.

Taking showers as a mom is different, there's usually a little kid that wants to accompany you, so you spend most the time trying not to step on them as they play with a Barbie or something at your feet.

Taking showers PREGNANT, even worse. I get so tired standing there, I've resorted to using a stool. Yes, I sit on a stool when I shower. The biggest problem with this, is I don't want to ever get up, I want to go back to being a teenager and just sleep in there. Except then my 2 year old wants to get in too and fights me over usage of the stool. Its quite annoying!

I also have hot water issues. I cannot leave the water alone! I can't just turn it on hot and be happy, NO! I probably adjust the water 15-20 times in the 10 minutes I'm in there. Just a little hotter...oohhh, thats a little too hot! Ouch! Okay, down a little...nope, thats not hot enough. Its stupid but I think I'm a little OCD about it.

So you see my problem, showers are complicated.

What simple things in your life do you make complicated?

p.s. I like to get out of the shower and step on the mat and leave two perfect footprints on there. I don't know why it just makes me happy.

Monday, April 5, 2010


So I have this little friend. Actually "friend" is the complete wrong word to use, more like horrible awful little menace. Yes, yes, thats more like it.

Awhile ago I noticed a big red bump on the side of my collar bone. I thought, "hmmmm, I don't remember that being there before...but I think its a mole that my son scratched...yeah, I think thats it." So I thought this red lump was a mole that was a little irritated. (Just to recap, if you didn't get that from my thoughts already.) So I was a good little Melinda, and left it alone. Until it didn't go away. A few weeks later and it was still there, same as the day I first saw it.

Now if you know me, I'm a zit popper. If you're not a zit popper you'll think I'm disgusting. But if you ARE a zit popper, you'll understand the self-restraint I had in those few weeks to not touch that thing. More in character would have been for me to mutilate that thing until it desired to never live again!!! So I got annoyed with the thing not going away and it looked like to me, less like a red mole, and more like a blood blister. And my thinking was that if there was blood in there, that it really wanted to come out. Right?! And then it could finally heal and go away.

So I took a needle and I popped it. And to not be completely graphic or whatever, it bled. A LOT. And I may have poked it a few (many, many) more times.

And now?

Well, now its angry.

I swear every time I look in the mirror its glaring at me, festering and irritated and threatening my family. I'm a little scared of it.

So my sister and I named it Paco. Except I don't think thats how you spell it, I think Guido is also very fitting. I don't know why, it just works.

What I really think honestly (now that I've left it alone and bothered it, I've come to this conclusion because I'm super smart...), is that with all these raging pregnant hormones that once I'm not pregnant it will go away. Really! I think its going to work...

Or else I'm going to have to go to drastic measures. Like actually seeking professional help.

On a few different levels...

Friday, April 2, 2010

Its Friday, and Its Random

*I like that the bottom of my socks have an "M" on them because even though I know it stands for "medium", I like to think it stands for "Melinda".

*Just because the juice bottle says "Cran-APPLE" doesn't mean its any less cranberry, I didn't taste ANY apple in there.

*I really hate Comcast, and I miss my old service provider a LOT.

*Why is it if my husband wants two different things, even if one costs more I'll get THAT one because its something maybe I like or I could use too...

*I'm really tired of stupid people. Why do people think they need to spew their opinions all over you when they have no idea what your situation is. I recently had someone I barely know make me feel guilty over medication I might take for some serious pain I've been in. Her explanation was that she's a hippy and thinks people would be better off taking long walks and getting more sunshine. Uhhhhh...seriously? So if I just went for a long walk on a sunshiney day, my back would stop hurting and my rib would magically go back into place? Or if someone went for a walk and sat in the sun, their chemically imbalanced brain would suddenly balance. Shut up. Thats so ignorant.

*Have you ever read "The Little Prince"? Its a children book, when I was in high school we had to do a report on it and I've loved it ever since. So for my boys' room, I painted this picture:

Pretty cute huh?

*Its been Spring Break here this week and I'm so glad I didn't have to worry about getting up and getting my daughter off to school or picking her up or ANYTHING. I did whatever I wanted this week. Which ended up being just going to the doctor a lot, but whatever.

*Ice....mmmmm....all day long I dream about ice...

Thursday, April 1, 2010

Dream Package Warms my Little Heart

I know today is April Fools Day but I ain't no fool and this ain't no joke!

I know I'm not the most eloquent writer (what with all the "ain't" talk up there), but if I were I would wish today to have that talent. The reason? I need the words to explain to you how much I appreciate some certain people.

As a lot of you know from the constant whining, I've been having sort of a "rough" time lately. Having three kids and being pregnant isn't enough for me, I needed my husband to join the Army and leave for basic training while I was due. And although I give myself enough pity parties to last a lifetime, I've been blessed with some really amazing people to boost me up. (First and foremost would be my sister, I don't know what I'd do without her! I would be the biggest, suckiest jerk to not mention her, I love her with every bit of my heart!) So, awhile back Shellie introduced me to some of her bloggy friends, who immediately scooped me up and adopted me into their clan. Can I tell you how refreshing that is?! They email me, they talk to me on Facebook, basically they treat me like they actually know me and its pretty awesome.

So we decided with all thats going on to do a little "dream package" exchange, where each month for the next couple we would draw names and send a little package to eachother. Its super awesome!! I mean this is just the first month, but just the fact of opening your front door and seeing a cute little brown package on your porch--how great is that?! So girls, if I could muster up all the gratitude and love and happiness in my shriveled little self pitied heart and put it into all the very best words, I would do it for you in a second! I wish I could express to you how much you've meant to me, and how grateful I am to have nice people do something nice especially for me, its been amazing! Thank you, thank you, thank you!!

My first package came from Michelle, and I just LOOOVE it! We did a theme of "Spring" and she hit it on the head, she must have been channeling me or something because I'm obsessed with orange and turquoise right now! Here's pictures to show it all off:

Too FUN! I'm all giddy just from looking through the pictures! So fellow bloggers, you don't necessarily have to spend money and send a package but maybe take a minute to sit down and write a note, because honestly who doesn't love to get mail?! And who doesn't need a little pick me up right now?
And thank you again so much to Michelle, Sheryl (she's private, sorry!) and Shellie! You guys seriously ROCK! LOVE YOU!