Monday, April 5, 2010


So I have this little friend. Actually "friend" is the complete wrong word to use, more like horrible awful little menace. Yes, yes, thats more like it.

Awhile ago I noticed a big red bump on the side of my collar bone. I thought, "hmmmm, I don't remember that being there before...but I think its a mole that my son scratched...yeah, I think thats it." So I thought this red lump was a mole that was a little irritated. (Just to recap, if you didn't get that from my thoughts already.) So I was a good little Melinda, and left it alone. Until it didn't go away. A few weeks later and it was still there, same as the day I first saw it.

Now if you know me, I'm a zit popper. If you're not a zit popper you'll think I'm disgusting. But if you ARE a zit popper, you'll understand the self-restraint I had in those few weeks to not touch that thing. More in character would have been for me to mutilate that thing until it desired to never live again!!! So I got annoyed with the thing not going away and it looked like to me, less like a red mole, and more like a blood blister. And my thinking was that if there was blood in there, that it really wanted to come out. Right?! And then it could finally heal and go away.

So I took a needle and I popped it. And to not be completely graphic or whatever, it bled. A LOT. And I may have poked it a few (many, many) more times.

And now?

Well, now its angry.

I swear every time I look in the mirror its glaring at me, festering and irritated and threatening my family. I'm a little scared of it.

So my sister and I named it Paco. Except I don't think thats how you spell it, I think Guido is also very fitting. I don't know why, it just works.

What I really think honestly (now that I've left it alone and bothered it, I've come to this conclusion because I'm super smart...), is that with all these raging pregnant hormones that once I'm not pregnant it will go away. Really! I think its going to work...

Or else I'm going to have to go to drastic measures. Like actually seeking professional help.

On a few different levels...


  1. I made a scrunchy face throughout this entire post.

    I had a coworker who had like a giant bloodblister on his face. It was digusting.

  2. BAAHAHAHAHA!! Kristina, that totally killed me!! This isn't so much disgusting honest, its more like one of those purple moles your grandma has on her neck. So yeah, its pretty much disgusting like that.

  3. On a completely unrelated note, my nephew wanted to name his unborn brother Pedro. And everyone in the family (including his father) realllllly egged him on, which made his mother furious. And it broke his heart when Pedro was named Gavin.

    Also, he pronounced it Pay-thro, because he had a little speech impediment.

    THE END.

    Leave Paco alone or his friend Guido will come and find you too! You don't want two of those scary little things hanging around, do you?! :)

    PS Guacamole sounds DELISH right now!

  4. I don't call myself a "popper", I call myself a "picker". I pick at all and any skin imperfections on myself, my husband, and my children.

    I agree, Guido, seems more fitting. I had many weird skin things clear up after child birth, I think you're on the right track.

    I'm typing a response to you on the phone with Sheryl, and we're both silently typing, and she just keeps typing and typing, I can hear her clicking away, so I am just continuing to type and type so as not to be finished first, because somehow, that feels like what will make me win. Even though this was not a contest.

    The end. I win.

  5. HA! You thought I wouldn't see that didn't you? Sneaky girl.

    I win again.

  6. I can't "leave things alone" either. If it starts out little....I dig, pop, and pester until it has it's own zip code.
    I wish I could leave things alone.

    so , keep us informed.

  7. Is there a blogging award for most disgusting post ever? I nominate this one.

  8. I'm super fair so nothing makes me more nervous than an unexplained mole. Good luck!

  9. Yikes, make it go away!! Good luck with the angry thing!

  10. I totally understand the self restraint that it took! I hope it goes away soon.

  11. Michelle, you know I will stop at nothing to win.

    Melinda thanks for letting us use this as a forum for becoming the supreme winner of everything!

  12. Please have it checked out so it doesn't turn into staff, because then you would die and that would suck.

    I think of you pregnant every day, and can't wait for your delivery when this will all be over...oh wait, that's death.


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