Sunday, April 18, 2010

Why I Shouldn't Go Out in Public Now

Its not because I'm hideously humongous right now (although I am). But because I am hideously hateful instead.

Yesterday (because I STILL haven't had this baby--I have never even been close to being past due, and now FOUR DAYS people, FOUR DAYS. And no end in sight!! waaahh) my mom and my sister's family and me and my kids all went to the Spring Fair. I'm thinking "I haven't been to the Fair in forever and I love the fair! Let's do it!" and mostly I'm really thinking "Walking around a bunch BETTER freaking put me into labor. Oh, and elephant ears....mmmmmmm!" So we went.

I was irritated the entire time. I hate people. People are stupid idiots. This is how it starts: Melinda HUNGRY.

Now if you know anything about being very pregnant (or even a little pregnant), when you get to the point where you just have to eat, you better get something FAST or you're going to do something you regret. Or mostly, I end up crying because I'm HUNGRY and feel helpless and I need to eat NOW. So anyway, I get in line for this burger that seriously is gonna cost me $5 and there's this big poster right in front that says "Excepts Visa and Mastercard." Goody. So I get in line, and these two big fat people cut in front of me, and I'm pissed because who seriously cuts off a huge pregnant woman?! And on top of that, they aren't even ready to order, they're still discussing! I will be honest here, I was giving them the death stare, because I was HUNGRY! They felt the heat of my hate and turned slowly toward me and were like "Ohhh, uhhh, would you like to go in front of us, we're still deciding." And I was like "YES!" (freaking idiots) So I get up to the girl and I order this stupid cheeseburger, and she says "That'll be $5.19." and I hand her my card, and she tells me "We only except cash." and I say "You have a sign RIGHT THERE." and she says "Yeah, but our machine's down and we're only taking cash." And I very rudely say "Then take your SIGN DOWN!" and stomp off, trying not to cry the angry tears. Then my brother-in-law had to go back and buy me a stupid tiny worthless cheeseburger. I'm not kidding, on top of all that, it was the most pathetic cheeseburger I've ever had! All that was on it was a tiny thin patty, a not melted piece of cheese, and ketchup. Thats it.

So thats how it started, and it really didn't get much better from there. That didn't stop us from staying for four hours, but somehow I managed to be irritated and annoyed the whole time. Lucky family I have, yeah?

Now here's the thing you need to know, I am NOT confrontational. Not even to ridiculously rude strangers. I rarely speak up and say anything, even when I think the person really, REALLY deserves it. Mostly I mentally rip them apart and then tell my sister about it. But yesterday? Nope, I was dishing it out all over the place. I think there were atleast five different instances where I made a snippity remark to a snotty stranger. It was insane!

And its fine if you think I'm a hypocrite for calling people rude when I'm being rude to them, I really don't care. (SEE?! I'm feeling so snotty!)

I really can't wait to be done with this pregnancy, its really turning me into a monster. A MONSTER I say! And that is why I won't be going out in public anymore until I have this baby, unless I go to Arby's or Jack in the Box. Then watch out fast food worker!

(p.s. I worked myself up all over again just writing this, and when I go to publish it? DELETED! GAH! What is going on, is nothing right in the world?!)


  1. Sister, you have EVERY RIGHT to be as grouchy as you need. Anyone who is officilly overdue to have a baby can say anything and everything they want and unless someone has been in your shoes they can go jump off of some cliff. I have felt your pain...three of my four pregnancies were overdue and my youngest child is 29 years old. Oh no, you never forget that kind of misery.

    I am praying for labor to begin RIGHT NOW!!!

  2. OH Wowzer - YES I actually just said "Wowzer". I am trying not to laugh because I KNOW exactly that feeling. I had 6 kids and I been there!! I want to clap that you didn't rip that woman's head off cause I know you wanted too!
    I am rooting (sp?) for you to go into labor very very soon and by that I mean any minute!!
    Just don't drink Castor oil - it'll make you sick and then you'll really want to kill someone.
    Here is hoping you start labor any minute -
    I'm truly feeling for you!!

  3. Ok, I am seriously starting to worry about you (tee,hee) for the love of all that's holy, and the saftely of everyone around you....this baby needs to come OUT.
    BUT, I am not even pregnant, and sometimes I really hate people too. Such annoying creatures.
    and they should have given you that hamburger anyway --stupid sign nonense, stupid only taking cash, and COULDN'T THEY TELL YOU WERE PREGNANT and dangerous.

  4. OH MEL! I'm angry FOR you! People are already really dumb, but you had to go and take yourself to a FAIR?! That's like stupid people breeding ground! :) Anywhere you can go that will roll a snickers around in batter, put a stick in it and DEEP FAT FRY IT is just going to be full of ridiculous people. I promise.

    I highly recommend you break at least one dish today, on PURPOSE. And do it like you mean it or it doesn't count. If you do it jussssst right, it will make you feel so much better!

    I'm grouchy today too...everything went wrong at church and after slaving away making cookies for my husbands afternoon meetings all I wanted was to SLEEP. But nooooo, my daughter made sure I only got about 30 minutes before she took all my covers off and screamed at me to play school with her. (sigh) Still not sure where the hubby has been for the past hour. Kill me.

  5. I hope your doctor just induces you already!! :( Poor Melinda!

  6. This is one of the most awesome posts I have ever read.

  7. I didn't think you were as snotty as you think you were...those people really were sucky, so they had what little you gave to them coming. But you did have one highlight that you can totally focus on when it comes to releasing the tension of that stinky fair day....Irish Cream Italian Soda (aaaahhhhhh - in that total opera singing way)! Remember it...focus it...dream it. Just practicing;> hee hee!

  8. OH HONEY!!! I can go REDNECK in about .2 seconds if someone messes with my girls... I hope you got any of those freaking tards names and addresses because theres a lot of pain that i'm ready to dish out all over their faces!

    I get to the point of pure hunger that if chad looks at me while I'm eating I SCREAM "DONT LOOK AT ME!!!"

    I feel your pain!

  9. I'm stuck in between a laugh and a cry. Your description is comical, but the reality is awful and I'm SO SORRY!

    I'm hungry right now from just reading this. Starving. And honestly, the surest way to bring me to irrational over reaction is to give me a gross reesty dry hambuger when I'm starving and I'm envisiony something juicy and piled with lettuce and tomatoes. SO UNFAIR. If I could mail a perfect hamburger to you today, I would. In the package I would also include moron repellant and magical labor induction elixir.

  10. I love how you capitalized the word "hungry" every time you wrote it. (At least I think it was every time). I understand that! My poor family...if I go 2 seconds without eating past the time I realize I'm hungry, I turn into the Wicked Witch. Same for if I go 2 seconds without sleeping past the time I realize I'm tired. And it comes on so quickly, there really is no escape! And, sadly, I think I do it even when I'm not pregnant!

  11. You are killing me here, it's called induction, Miss Crazy Head. I'm actually miserable after reading your post because I'm feeling pregnant empathy for you and it's actually painful. Now go have a baby and put me out of my misery.

  12. I was at the same fair this past weekend for all three days and you have every right to think people are stupid and rude because about 98% of them were. I was getting sooooo annoyed with all the stupid people. Some punk even threw gum into my poor little goats food dish. Mean people and pregnancy suck!
    Hope you are having that kid as I type this. Good luck!


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