1. Go to sleep, go to sleep. GO TO SLEEP. PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS HOLY LET ME SLEEP!!
2. Then you might get your ipod and look at every single Facebook status update and read each comment and look at every picture you can possibly find.
3. Sure that was boring, but not enough to put you to sleep.
4. You *think* about going downstairs and getting on the computer but no matter how bored you are, there isn't any way you would go sit in the freezing, scary downstairs where a murderer is probably waiting for you.
5. Whats that word for when you can't sleep?? Narcotic...omnipotent...aahh...ihhh something?
6. Did we have something garlicky for dinner? Why does my stomach feel so upset?!
7. Pass gas.
8. Oh yeah, we had CHILI for dinner. Duh.
9. Realize you are an idiot for staying up past midnight every night for the last two weeks. You'd think that it would make it easy to fall asleep earlier than normal since you've been exhausted. But no. Your body's all "Ha ha! Its not midnight yet, you can't sleep!!"
10. You check the clock every couple minutes. Nope, not asleep yet.
11. "I'm sexy and I know it..." replays over and over in your head.
13. Start to finally doze.
14. Your husband rolls over and throws his big fat, heavy, hairy, fat arm on your back and startles you back awake.
15. Curse the day you ever got married.
16. Armoire? Insipid? Start to doze again.
16. Your baby wakes up crying.
17. Curse the day you ever had children.
18. Get baby and bring them back to your bed, hoping to get some sleep.
19. Baby coughs in your face every few minutes.
20. Punch yourself in the face so you can finally sleep.
21. Oh yeah: Insomnia!