Wednesday, January 18, 2012

Validation is a Two-Edged Sword

I like validation. Validation is important, not just to me but for most people. I took a relationship class once at BYU Education Week and they said the key to good communication was: validate, validate, validate! I don't know why, but I *need* people to understand where I'm coming from and what I feel. I just do.

BUT sometimes validation is not a good thing. For example, when we lived in Utah we lived in my husband's grandpa's very old house. It was a tiny house, built in 1904, it had two bedrooms and one teeny tiny bathroom. With brown carpet. And what I mean by that is nasty brown carpet IN the bathroom. Don't worry, eventually we got rid of the carpet, but I remember having a conversation with two of my cousins: one was saying that she thought I'd done such a cute job on our little house (it was pretty gross when we moved in, the person living there before us was a bachelor and smoked), and I was saying something like how much I hated that little bathroom. The one cousin said "Oh no, its just fine! You've made it so cute!" and the other cousin started laughing and said "Yeah, not my favorite bathroom! hahaha!" And I remember thinking, yeah I know I just said I hated it but I didn't want you to agree with me. *big tear drop, sad face* (side note: I LOVE that cousin, and I get she wasn't trying to be mean, I get where she's coming from too, it still hurt though.)

So in some instances validating people is not a good thing. I hate it when you admit to something, you've already acknowledged it and someones like "You really DO do that!" Thanks, yup, already aware.

So, here's a list I thought of that you should NEVER validate someone on:

*"I always look so fat in this shirt."

*"I know I sound selfish, but..."

*"I'm really bad at..."

*"I'm a bad parent."

*"I struggle with..."

*"I'm not very nice."

*"I'm ugly."

*"I hate my hair."

*"I know this is silly to be upset over but..."

*"I have issues with..."

*"My teeth are yellow."

*"My nose looks like a rats."

*"I have muffin top."

*"I need to lose weight."

*"My husband's a jerk."

*"My kids are naughty."

*"I know I sound crazy, but bobby pins are important to me..."

Please, don't agree with someone on these kind of statements. You are not doing anyone a favor, you are not "helping" them be a better person. Usually someone says those kinds of things for you to tell them that its not true and they really are a great person. So, unless you are that person's sister and they are really truly asking you for advice, then just don't do it.

Don't. Do. It.


  1. I disagree with this entire post, and hate it. ;)

  2. You crack me up.

    Also, you are so right.


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