Sometimes This is How I Feel

*shuffles in, peaks around the corner, bows head*

Hey guys...

Just a few random things to let you know that yes, I am in fact still alive. I'm freaking out about getting the homemade Christmas gifts I planned, actually out of the planning stage and done. And by freaking out, I mean watching every episode of The Vampire Diaries I can squeeze into my day. And sometimes The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. The two shows are surprisingly alike, just based on drama. And sucking the life out of people.

I did get my Christmas decorations up, hallelujah for that.

I was on my period this last week and decided I would be completely happy to have my uterus removed altogether. I don't need it right?! Also, I'm pretty sure whoever designs feminine hygiene products is a man. A big, fat, stupid, hairy man that has never bled a day in his life and has no idea what "absorption" means. Because that crap does NOT work.

You know, kids really are disgusting. You ever walk into a room and see something sitting there and you can't even explain WHAT THE CRAP that is? I have to periodically go in and clean my kids rooms (yes, after they've done it themselves REALLY GOOD--according to them), and it so disgusts me with what I find. Why the crap is everything shoved under the bed? A used tissue wadded up under something? Something I can't even begin to describe? Check. I feel like I should call my mom and apologize for ever being a disgusting child.

I realized the other day that the only time I feel like blogging is when I have something to complain about. Thats bad. So when I was a teenager and my mom would hear me gossiping to my girlfriends for hours at a time and tell me that that was wrong and when I was an adult it wouldn't just go away--she was right. Not that I sit around and gossip, just meaning that I'm a complainer and I like to talk about complainy, whiny things. That those things are the things that I like to think about and talk about and analyze kind of things. Things. There were a lot of things in that last sentence. But the point is that I complain a lot and I guess I don't like that.

I was thinking how awesome it would be when all my kids are in school and how much more stuff I would get done during the day, and then I realized that I would probably be just as lazy as I am now. That wasn't a complaint I swear.

So much stuff to avoid doing...but I should probably get something done before my youngest wakes up from his nap and before I have to pick the other two up from school, at which point everything goes to pot. So yeah...thanks for the little chat...

*neck hurts from talking into my chest that whole time, shuffles away*

Ups and Downs

It was a holiday yesterday. Yup, didn't know if you knew that but it was. We didn't really do anything especially fun, but it was a day off so I'm not complaining.

It throws my whole week off though because it felt like Saturday, so today feels like Sunday--not Tuesday. Funny how in your mind, a day can feel a certain way.

I took pictures of my cousin's baby this weekend, see:

But I learned something afterwards about myself. I shouldn't do photography. I have a problem with asking people to pay me. I don't have enough confidence in what I'm doing, but I can't get better without more practice. Also, I don't like people. Just kidding, I just can get uncomfortable around certain kinds of people. So if I'm having a bad day, its really hard for me to put myself out there and/or deal with people. Not really the making of a good photographer huh?

Also I get really overwhelmed looking at "real" photographers work. I used to get inspired (I do sometimes still) but more than anything I think, I will never be that good. Or I won't be that good unless I can buy a better camera/equipment. Its so stupid. I annoy myself.

You know how someone can tell you something about themselves and its so easy to see how they should change or what they should do? Yeah, except when its yourself its actually HARD to do, even when you know whats wrong. Boo.

Okay, my little wah me party is done.

On the flip side, I had my Relief Society lesson on Sunday and it went really well. I love teaching the women, they are so awesome and participate and share the most awesome insights! It went so well that I felt good the whole rest of the day. Hooray for that!

So how do you guys develop your talents? (Even when your confidence is low?)