Thursday, June 10, 2010

I Don't Even Make Sense Anymore

Whew. I just wrote a super long post that was extremely...hmmm, disagreeable? I don't know what to call it, just that it was bad. What do you do when somethings bothering you but its not really pertinent to every day life, or really to anyone but probably you? Did that even make sense? I'm thinking no.

Erased another paragraph just now. Trying to figure this out isn't working too well for me. Problem number one is that my brain is so fuzzy. It might be because of the two mountain dews I drank today. It might be because I've only been getting like maybe 6 hours of sleep or less every night. It might be because I stare at the computer for hours on end. Maybe even all three. But I was trying to get a couple ideas out, and each idea just kept getting more and more controversial. Not even intentionally, I just re-read it and was like YOWSERS! Better start over. So I did and here we are.

Anyway, this is the main thing I was trying to talk about before I erased everything. Last Sunday we had a lesson that was, among other things, about women and how we can build each other up, more or less. I think. Maybe it was about something totally different but? So I've been thinking about that a lot this week. That was the main thing I first blogged about, it escalated into Lady Gaga and Hugh Heffner. I'm so not kidding. Anyway, back to what I was talking about. Specifically I was thinking about this situation I've been in, in the past. Here's the scenario: Let's say I told you I had a friend that really had hurt me. Not just once but many, many times. That this friendship had gone on for a long time to where I felt like I was never happy when I was around the person and I felt like they were just taking and taking and rarely giving back. That basically the friendship had turned toxic and it was just making me feel awful. What would you tell me? Most likely you'd say "Dude. She sounds horrible and you've got to get away from her!" Unless you don't say dude, then you would probably say "She sounds like a witch. Drop her." Unless you don't say witch and then...just kidding, you get the point. Anyway, so eventually I might finally be pushed far enough that I do decide to not be friends with her anymore. Good great, right? But then turn it around. Maybe you know this person too and one day she comes to you and says she knows a lady who just all of a sudden doesn't want to be her friend anymore, and she's upset and offended and angry and thinks its horrible that someone wouldn't like her and support her. What do you tell her? Most likely you'd say, "Dude. She sounds like a snot who thinks she's too good for you. How awful for someone to push you away!" Unless you don't say dude, then you would probably say "What a witch. I hate her."

So who's wrong? Who's right? Who's side are you on? Why does there have to be a side? Why does there have to be so much stupid drama and why can't we just worry about our own lives instead of being involved in everyone else's?

I honestly truly think that women who work together and build each other up can do SO MUCH good it can be astonishing. That when we tear one another apart and gossip and hate each other, that Satan is laughing; its just what he wants because we don't understand how much good we can do together. The power of a woman is amazing. So lets just work together and leave all the cattiness out of it. Wouldn't that be awesome?


  1. Well, I have been in the first position. And I finally had to cut off the toxic relationship. It came after many talks with my friend, talking it out with a mutual friend, and coming to the conclusion that I was working harder at my friendship with her than my marriage.

    I gave her numerous opportunities to fix the relationship, but her bitterness towards me, and my ability to be happy in my life, was too much. I finally realized I didn't trust her anymore.

    She still sees our mutual friend, who is actually one of my very best friends, and admitted that it was her fault the relationship fell apart. I wondered if I had done the right thing, but reading the stuff she puts on her blog, and hearing from my friend some of the things she's still doing, I have no doubt it was right. It still sucks.

  2. Melinda- You're right. She's wrong. The end. :-)

    But really, when you decided to phase her out of your life, you weren't unkind about it. You weren't mean. You didn't call her names and leave flaming bags of dog doo-doo on her porch. So if she's hurt, it's not because you were unkind. You have to be in relationships that fulfill you in some way. Sometimes its a friendship where you laugh together, sometimes its a relationship where you vent to each other about your problems, sometimes it a relationship where you are able to perform a lot of loving service. All those things can be uplifting in different ways. But if it's a relationship where you feel drained, squashed, neglected, critisized, abused, used, or diminished- it's time to move on.

    You did the right thing, and you didn't do it with the intention to hurt her. I know you wouldn't want to hurt anyone, even though I know she's hurt you.

    You have a new life, and new friends. It happens.

  3. Yes we are here to build each other up and so don't think that by you ending a relationship with someone it was giving a thumbs up to the devil. If your daughters were involved in a friendship that made them come home from school feeling uncomfortable and sad you'd want them to do the same you did. You'd want them to move on. You'd want them to look for friendships that would make them feel important and loved. I love you and you are very important. To all of us!

  4. It WOULD be amazing! Women are so mean to each other. We regularly take our relationships for granted and trample on each other's feelings, whether we mean to or not. The key is to surround yourself with good people, and to not put emphasis on toxic relationships that change your perception of yourself...making you feel desperate, lonely, hurt, inadequate and neglected.

    I heard a quote recently that I LOOOOVED..."Show me your friends and I will show you your future." Isn't that great? You will BECOME what you're surrounded with, you surround yourself with women and people that want to lift you up and make you happy with who you are.

    Here's to all the women that make our lives heaven on earth!

  5. I don't know the details of the story, but I like Melinda, so I am going to say you are right and she is wrong.

    I definitely want to read the Lady Gaga and Hugh Heffner post though.

  6. DUDE, yes that would be totally awesome. Women can be such strengths to each other...and sometimes such witch (yah but in a B) to each other. I hate it. I don't know why we get catty (meow...sorry couldn't resist). Why can't we be like men, get a good punch in and then shake hands.
    I think a TRUE girlfriend is one of the greatest gifts. Getting older (as I) you tend to not have as many girlfriends as you get busy with the kids and grandkids...and well, things change a little. You get a little more comfortable in your own skin. BUT I very much thank GOD for all the friendships I have had in the past....and for those who have stuck by me even now. Even though sometimes, my stupid-ass self does things that even I wonder about...a few have stuck by me.
    so DUDE, carry on...and BE a friend is all you can do.
    yikes, I kinda rambled didn't I

  7. Now Sister, what would Jesus do?

    From personal experience, I think Jesus wants us to love people, and if being around them makes that impossible, then we must put space in the relationship so we can recover from the pain, forgive them, and be at peace. In fact, I know that from Personal Revelation that God is okay with this. The important part isn't that you're killing yourself off to be friends with her, it's that you find a place where you can love her, even if it's from a few thousand miles away.

  8. That IS AWESOME. I experience that with my girlfriends every day. And the ones who don't give me that? Eff 'em ( my sister's boyfriend would say. But he wouldn't say eff.) And I agree with Babe in Boysland. It's all about intention. You do what you have to do to keep healthy boundaries for yourself and all is right in the world. If everyone came at things from that perspective, the world would be a better place. The power of intention is STAGGERING. At least that's what I believe. And it serves me well to keep only the close friends near me that build me up. I have no need for anyone else in my life.


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