I'm tired of being poor. I really REALLY am.
Before I go into this, I will start with a disclaimer: I know there are people in worse off situations than I am. I know that I should be grateful for what I do have. I KNOW. Believe me, I know.
Its just sometimes I get so tired of worrying about how we're going to pay this bill or where the money's going to come from to pay for this that just came out of nowhere. And I'm tired that every penny has to go to something responsible. Maybe sometimes I want to buy something fun, maybe I want to buy some clothes, maybe I want to be frivolous for two minutes without regretting it. Maybe I don't want to have to worry if its going to be okay to go out to dinner or to the zoo, like normal people get to do.
I shouldn't look at other people and compare their situations to mine, but it is SO HARD sometimes. Its like all these people are right there in my face constantly with their big houses and their money and I WANT THAT. I WAAAAAAAANT IT.
People are so judgemental towards people who don't have money too. If I told you I was on food stamps and you saw me at the store buying soda and chips, you would think I'm being irresponsible or wasting that free money right? Well, gosh dang, I can't buy anything, you're going to begrudge me some freaking chips too?! Do I get any sort of indulgence ever?
Honestly, I want to be rich because I want it to just be easy for awhile. There are a bunch of other things already that weigh on me, and I would like the money weight to be lifted.
That would be nice.
Okay, pity party over. I feel like I go through highs and lows where I'm okay with our situation and I realize that money isn't whats important in life, but then when things start to pinch I want an easy solution. And of course, nothing I come up with to make extra money is ever going to be instantaneous and solve all our problems, so I'm stuck feeling overwhelmed by it. Someday I'll figure it out. Or else we'll get rich and I won't have to. I really hope its the second thing... ;)
I feel for you. We live on my measly teacher salary and we pretty much use my sons old homework for toilet paper. It works well because we recycle AND we get to be reminded how well he is doing.
ReplyDeleteI think you need to get yourself on a Reality TV show. That will solve all of your problems!
ReplyDeleteI love that you always say exactly what everyone else is thinking, but won't come right out and say. I think my husband and I have had this same conversation like a bazillion times x 1,000. I would give my right arm to be able to go on a weekend trip with my husband and escape the kids, but there is no way that's going to happen anytime soon. I hate money - mainly because there is never enough of it. Maybe if we wish really hard a money tree will grow in our yards for Christmas? Yeah... I didn't think so either.
ReplyDeleteHang in there. I know there is not much we can do about it, but it sure does help to vent about it anyway. :)
Wait. Did you sneak into my brain and steal this post? Cause I could have written it. Seriously. The other night I wanted nothing more than to NOT make dinner, but just grab something on the way home because I was exhausted and starving but I couldn't because I don't have $10 bucks to spare. And it sucks. Rocks.
ReplyDeleteSo yeah. I know. I hate money too.
As you can tell, you are not in this alone. We aren't on Food Stamps, but did use WIC checks and get odd looks as well if we decide to buy other stuff at the same time. It does suck, but as you can see you aren't in it alone which maybe helps a bit.
ReplyDeleteRight there with you lady. My parents were so generous yesterday and brought us over about $500 of groceries. It was such a huge relief and for just a moment I entertained the idea of being able to buy the kids new shoes for school. It's especially trying at the beginning of the school year.
ReplyDeleteBut, really, for me, I have learned that I would never have the compassion, understanding and gratitude that I do have without the trial so I am truly grateful for our financial situation. It seems to improve a bit at a time and I worry that I won't have as much gratitude as I have now.