Less Money, Mo Problems

You know what?

I'm tired of being poor. I really REALLY am.

Before I go into this, I will start with a disclaimer: I know there are people in worse off situations than I am. I know that I should be grateful for what I do have. I KNOW. Believe me, I know.

Its just sometimes I get so tired of worrying about how we're going to pay this bill or where the money's going to come from to pay for this that just came out of nowhere. And I'm tired that every penny has to go to something responsible. Maybe sometimes I want to buy something fun, maybe I want to buy some clothes, maybe I want to be frivolous for two minutes without regretting it. Maybe I don't want to have to worry if its going to be okay to go out to dinner or to the zoo, like normal people get to do.

I shouldn't look at other people and compare their situations to mine, but it is SO HARD sometimes. Its like all these people are right there in my face constantly with their big houses and their money and I WANT THAT. I WAAAAAAAANT IT.

People are so judgemental towards people who don't have money too. If I told you I was on food stamps and you saw me at the store buying soda and chips, you would think I'm being irresponsible or wasting that free money right? Well, gosh dang, I can't buy anything, you're going to begrudge me some freaking chips too?! Do I get any sort of indulgence ever?

Honestly, I want to be rich because I want it to just be easy for awhile. There are a bunch of other things already that weigh on me, and I would like the money weight to be lifted.

That would be nice.

Okay, pity party over. I feel like I go through highs and lows where I'm okay with our situation and I realize that money isn't whats important in life, but then when things start to pinch I want an easy solution. And of course, nothing I come up with to make extra money is ever going to be instantaneous and solve all our problems, so I'm stuck feeling overwhelmed by it. Someday I'll figure it out. Or else we'll get rich and I won't have to. I really hope its the second thing... ;)

Bah Humbug

Honestly, after this last Christmas and the way things are going this year, I am not really loving Christmas time so much.

When I was younger, Christmas was magical. I mean seriously, it was magical. I loved it and I loved everything about it. The traditions my mom did, the smells, the weather...I loved it all. When we were in Utah, I still loved Christmas. We got to do Christmas our own way and I liked it. Sure Christmas is always stressful, there's decorating and shopping and wrapping and EVERYTHING, but I could do it how I wanted and it was still fun.

Now? It just doesn't feel like Christmas! The weather has been awful. Just rain and rain and RAAAAIIIIIINNN and gray and ugly. But not very cold, and not snowy. I miss the snow.

I feel all this pressure from certain family members who put an emphasis on the presents and Santa, and I hate it. Not just because we don't have money to buy a bunch of presents, but because we've never made a big deal about it and our kids have never cared...until now. We've never pushed the Santa thing, I mean, of course they know about Santa and watch the movies and all that, but we don't push a big "Santa's who brings all your presents!! Be good because Santa's watching!!' thing. I don't remember ever learning that Santa wasn't real, I just always knew and I never had a huge disappointing memory of finding out. I would've liked that for my kids, but its not working out. Also, I would REALLY rather focus on the real reason we celebrate Christmas and thats the birth of the Savior. Not Santa Claus.

Enough ranting. The point is, because I feel like the focus is in the wrong place, I get all huffy and sad and upset and bah humbug-y and I can't even feel good anymore. And whiney a little...not that you guys didn't know that about me already. The whiney thing.

I'm trying, I really am. I usually love Christmas music and movies and I haven't even felt like they've made much of a dent. Plus why is time going SO FAST?! Its like December just started yesterday, and now its already the freaking 14th!? I have tons of presents to finish up and things to figure out still. So, how are you doing on Christmas this year?

Seriously BIG LONG Post

Okay this post I'm just putting down anything and everything thats on my mind. I have a lot of stuff going on in my head and hopefully this will help get it out and then I can focus on actually doing what I'm supposed to (like cleaning bathrooms and paying bills, you know: crappy stuff).

~First up is the most important thing I need to blog. Got another dream package! YAY! Do you remember how I told you guys how much I hate the Post Office? Well, they either are really mad and trying to get back at me, or I was totally RIGHT--the Post Office really DOES suck! (I like the second option better. Because in that option I'm RIGHT!) Because it took a whole week for the package to get here (ridiculous) and when it got here? It was OPENED! Seriously people, the Post Office delivered a package that had been opened and things were missing! :( Atleast not the most important stuff was gone, but the chocolate was! HELLO?! And there was a card to explain everything and a button, I'm so irritated! Otherwise, THANK YOU THANK YOU Shellie for the awesome gift! The theme this last month was "My Favorite Things", so Shellie sent me some of her favorite things. Like for example, she likes words, so there was a word theme, and the mug is because she loves hot chocolate. My kids will NEVER be allowed to touch that mug, its MINE MINE MINE!! I adore the yellow frame, I know exactly where I'll put it! I love it all and I'm once again in awe of good friends and sweet people, it just doesn't seem to happen enough but I feel like I've been very blessed!




~I'm reading the last of "The Mortal Instruments" series and I wish I could just sit around all the time and read it (I mostly do so don't feel sorry for me) but then I feel so guilty about not getting done the things that actually NEED to be done. I really need the escape sometimes though. Plus I can't focus on anything except the story going on in my head, so I should just sit down and finish it so I can move on...right?

~I'm struggling a little with being a good person right now. I know this is terrible and really wrong, but I absolutely HATE it when people say they miss their husbands because they've been gone on a business trip for a few days. I know its unfair and they SHOULD miss their husband but I just want to scream and gauge their eyes out. I want to compare it to someone with cancer hating someone who has a cold. They can't help getting sick, but it could be so much worse... I really wish I could get over myself sometimes, especially because my own situation could be a whole lot worse too. I just hate it.

~I'm also struggling with being a good mom right now. I hate that I'm the "exasperated mom" right now. Have you ever met a mom like that? Who whenever her kids are around is just exasperated and impatient and wants them to go away? I feel like that ALL THE TIME. And I hate myself for it. Everytime they ask a question, or want me to get them something or breath or whatever, I want to just throw my hands up in the air and tell them to leave me alone! Isn't that awful?! I'm trying really hard not to do that, but boy I'm really tired of being the only parent around. REALLY tired.

~When I was in junior high I had a t-shirt that had a loaf of bread on it and underneath it said "baked". Seriously, my mom bought that shirt for me. (So random, but that is totally stuck in my head. I can't believe my mom didn't get what that meant. And I'm super embarrassed that I actually wore it and people SAW me wearing it. What if I wore it to church one day?! *edit: For those of you who are better than me and don't know what baked means, its another way of saying you're "stoned" or "high", or you've been smoking marijuana. Which was as far from the truth for me as possible.)

~I also was a complete nerd in junior high... And high school.

~I may still be a complete nerd.

~I took pictures of my sweet baby yesterday, and I'm posting some for you to see. If you don't care go ahead and scroll past, this is the last bit of my super long post. Thanks for enduring that! I know it got a little rough somewhere in the middle there.

Liar, Liar Pants on Fire!

I was totally inspired by Chief's fake list of lies she posted yesterday, she kills me! But what's sad about her fake list is that it reminded me of real lies I've actually told! Sad I know, but really I think they're mostly pretty funny stories. Or horrible, you choose.

Lie #1:

When I was a junior in high school (I'm not telling you the year, I don't need to hear how "young" I am, and I don't want you to know), I worked for a grocery store name Safeway as a courtesy clerk. I bagged groceries, cleaned the bathrooms, got the carts from the parking lot. It was very glamorous. My very best friend's birthday party was that Saturday and I tried and tried to get someone to take my shift, but they wouldn't. I was NOT going to miss that party, so I called in sick and said I had food poisoning. A week or so later, I get called into my manager's office. "Melinda, did you really have food poisoning the other day?" "Uhhhhhmmmm, YES, I went to Taco Bell and got some really bad food and was throwing up all night. MMmm hmmm... thats it." Intense stares into my soul. "Now Melinda, are you sure there isn't anything you want to tell us?" I broke like a fat kid for a candy bar, "I'm so sorry! It was my best friends birthday....bawwwwl, bawwwl bawwl!!" I think I didn't get fired because they'd never seen anyone cry so hard. And just so you know it was a stupid girl who told on me. I hate her.


Lie #2:

When I was a senior in high school everyone could buy a senior t-shirt, made special for that graduating class. I WANTED one of those shirts, I did, I did, I did. But I didn't have the money for it, and my parents were cheap. Or I was too scared (or lazy) to ask them. So instead I took the receipt from my friend and rushed over right when the bell rang to the kid handing out the t-shirts and in a hurry said "here's my receipt from the office, I paid for my shirt, give it to me!" He acted a little suspicious, but hey I was cute so he gave it to me. I'm sure I will burn in hell for stealing.

Lie #3:

When I was in junior high it was report card time. Just in the middle of the year, so it wasn't like AS important as final grades. But I got a "D" in one of my classes. I didn't want the wrath of Dad, so I took a pencil and very carefully put a line through that "D" to make it look like a "B". It really looked good, my parents had no clue until later in the year the teacher called to tell them I was failing. Then the crap hit the fan.


Lie #4:

This happened in the last recent years and I still feel horrible over it because I'm an adult and should be able to handle myself. But alas, it happened and now you'll know I am a schmuck. So anyway, for a Young Women's activity we decided to play with marshmallow guns. Except when it came to that night, it was raining outside. So we thought, what they hay, we'll play inside...in the Primary room...Yeah. Smart. So we had a great time playing marshmallow wars, until we turned the lights on and realized there were hundreds of marshmallows stuck/ground/cemented into the floor. We cleaned and cleaned and cleaned, but we couldn't get all of them out. The next morning I went to the church for Humanitarian, and a sweet older woman in our ward was all "WHAT happened in the Primary room?!" And I was all like "I don't know....thats terrible...who would do that?"
Gah. I'm such a jerk.


Lie #5:

When I was in high school, the Palmyra Temple was being dedicated and all the teenagers were invited to watch early that morning as it was broad casted to the Stake Center. But we would miss a little bit of school, which was alright with us! So my mom wrote me a note to miss the first part of school and arranged for another lady from church to take me to school after. But when it came time to go back to school, some of my other friends weren't going to go. So I told the lady that I had another ride and went back to one if their houses with them. I stayed at my friend's house ALL DAY. Like I didn't come home until like seven that night. My mom was PISSED and wasn't going to write a note for me to be excused the next day. So I forged a new one. (Guy I sound horrible!) But my mom had called the school the day before, so they knew I didn't have a note from her. I think I got detention for that one. And a lot of grounding at home.


So there you go, can we still be friends? Tell me some of your lies so I feel better.

He's A Great Man, but Seriously...

Okay, I'm back from my activity. I'm dead tired, and sunburned, but I'm baaaaaaa-aaaack.

Guess what? I'm tired. Oh yeah, I already said that, well I'm still tired.

Do you ever wonder whats wrong with your husband? What a stupid question, of course you do. The other day my husband and I had the following conversation:

Husband: "If there was a natural disaster and you had to choose..." (starting to feel stupid, because I'm giving him the "I'm already irritated with this conversation look".)

Me: "Yeeeessss?"

Husband: "Like if you had to hang on a pole during a hurricane or a tornado which would you choose?" (Kind of rushes through the question)

Me: "Well...there's really not much difference between the two is there, one's more wind and one's more water...I don't know...neither..."

Husband: "Come on, which would you choose?"

Me: "Is this what you talk about at work all day?"

Husband: "Shut up."



I wonder about him, I really do.

Back to the Bubble

You know, I'm having a hard time adjusting back to Utah life. See, if you've ever lived outside Utah, you know that there's a bubble you cross over to get into Utah, where life isn't the same as everywhere else.

I'm not meaning it in a mean way, its just the way I see it.

When we first left Utah, I noticed how differently everybody dresses. It didn't matter if they were 10 or 70, they were wearing a tank top and short shorts. Or people were actually smoking! Or cursing! Or they had piercing and tattoos all over!! Shocking I know, people really live like that! *note the sarcasm* The billboards went from "Temple Square" to "Triple X!!!"

It slowly came back to me, that oh yeah, this is normal. This is how it is everywhere. People are people and you're not surrounded by Mormons. I don't know why its so shocking, I've lived in Utah for five years, outside of Utah for over twenty, it shouldn't be that shocking. But when you see the same thing every day and then suddenly you see the exact opposite, it startles.

Not that either way is better or worse. Its the way it is. I'm just having trouble adjusting back into the Utah life where people have no idea how bad life can be. Where you don't see homeless people on every block. Or crack addicts walking down the street. Where your next door neighbor is a child molester or selling drugs. When police sirens are like background music, and gangs are just a part of life. Where all that is common. And where you deal with it because that's just life, and life is still good.
(I'm also not saying that those things don't happen in Utah, but I honestly just don't think its the same. So shoot me. No don't, I have so much to give!)

And really its not any one's fault, they don't know what its like "on the outside" (doo do doo do), I just wish they could see the gospel outside the border. Where the chapel is half full but people sing the hymns as loud as they can, where you see the missionaries every Sunday and there's new baptisms constantly. Where you have eight women on your visiting teaching list and you really have to pull together because your neighbor's a transvestite (although they're very nice and have great taste in shoes).

The Gospel is true wherever you go, I know that. Just sometimes I really want to pop that bubble. :)

People Watcher

Have you ever noticed that people are weird? YES?! Well, you're obviously quicker on the uptake than I am, but it just hits me over and over again how weird people are. And not in a quirky, you're so weird, kind of way. More like, you're seriously nutso kind of way.

Have you ever noticed that when people point out what kind of person they are, they're usually the complete opposite? Like, if someone says they're really thick skinned, then five minutes later they're all upset over something dumb? Or how about someone that says they never get offended, but that very same day they're offended! I think I'll stick with never saying I'm a certain way.

How about people that say they hate something, but they're usually just like that? The person that says, "I hate people that are so insensitive!" most likely is pretty insensitive themselves. Or someone that hates gossipers is usually a gossip. The irony, oh the irony.

I'm so glad I'm perfect, makes life so much easier...

Three Oh!

It's my husband's birthday this week. And its not just any birthday, its the big 3-0!

And you know what? I have thought of nothing to do for him. Nothing. Its not because I don't love him, or I don't think about him. I do, I definitely do. Its more like my life is so jam packed that if its not glaring at me TODAY, right now, this very second; then it gets shoved back until its right at the forefront and I HAVE to focus on it.

But now I feel really bad, what do I do?! What do I get him?!

Whats worse is he wanted to go to a movie that day and we can't even go because I have a staff meeting. Garbage I tell you, garbage.

So what kind of people are you? Are you big celebraters or do you not make a big deal out of birthdays?

And also help me out, what should I do for the guy?

Costco Carting

So I went to Costco yesterday. After I was done buying a huge box of diapers and eating some pizza with my kids, I left the supercenter and pushed the gigantic cart to my mom van, unloaded the goods, buckled the kids in and then there it was...

...the cart.

I usually try and park near one of the cart return things because I feel like a jerk leaving it in the middle of the parking area. But yesterday I was at Costco, and ya know, I just don't think they have cart return things anywhere in their parking lots...yeah, thats it.

So I put my cart in between my van and the car next to me, and felt like such a loser doing it, especially when this guy walked by and totally gave me the stink eye. But here's the deal, I feel like if I leave my kids in the car while I walk ALL the way over to return the cart that someone is going to either steal my kids or steal my van, or steal my groceries or steal my kids and groceries and my van all at once.

See! I can't return that cart! BAD things will happen!

And there's my dilemma. I think they should put a sensor or something on them and have them return automatically, how about that?!

So do you always return your cart?

Could they BE any more Annoying?! (voice by Chandler Bing)

People are annoying.

And I wonder...why are the annoying people so drawn to be so annoying right around me?! Garrrrrr, its frustrating.

And it really wouldn't be that bad (or atleast AS bad) except they catch me off guard and I have to react after they leave. Do you know how much that sucks?! And do you know how ridiculous I look stamping my foot, clapping my hand to my forehead, rolling my eyes, cursing under my breath all alone? Pretty stinkin' ridiculous.

But what's even worse, is when I gear up for a response (you know how it is, you play it all out in your head--"they're going to say this, and THIS is going to be the most awesome st comeback! YES! Finally!") and it's like they sense it and are all extra polite/sweet/careful/non-annoying/grrrrrrr and you lost feeling in your limbs for nothing (you know because of the adrenaline)! So frustrating.

You know what else is annoying? Mosquito bites. Possibly the most annoying things on this planet, although I may know a few people that could rival them.

Don't Push Me 'Cause I'm Close to the Edge...

I'm moody. I really hate that about myself--that I let people affect my mood. My husband could care less what anyone does, it takes a lot for him to get annoyed (besides by me or our kids, how rude!). But no, someone looks at me funny: ANNOYED!

I do a really good job holding it in and also letting it go, because hello I'm super annoying and I know I bug people too. So initially, something bugs me, I fume, I move on. I pretty much ride the emotional roller coaster, the up's and down's are pretty intense, but they also go by quickly.

But sometimes, something happens when you've just annoyed me too many times. And then I just don't want none of it anymore. I don't like being mean, I don't like confrontation, I don't like feeling bad. So I usually just try and separate myself from the situation and stay away--as opposed to having a brawl with the person by taking the mean thoughts out of my head and spewing them at said offender. I don't think it's right or good to be mean to anyone, but what if that person has just pushed you to your limit?!

So, what do YOU do? How do YOU handle a person that's pushed you too far?

The Gas Man

Dear Stupid Costco Gas Attendant~

When you stand RIGHT IN FRONT of an open lane, don't look at me like I'm stupid when I ask if it's open or not. You are paid to, I don't know, watch the lanes? Basically you're paid to stand there. A monkey could do your job. You are NOT paid to flirt with the pretty other gas attendant and treat me like an idiot.
Sincerely,
Gassy Disgruntled Buyer

p.s. Next time I'll just run over your foot. And maybe a leg.

Ode to Blemishes

An Ode to Blemishes: A Tale of Pain and Suffering

Pimple, pimple on my cheek;
It's been an hour but feels like a week.
Every movement conveys your disapproval,
but all I want is your removal.


You fester, you ooze;
I think I need some booze.
I squeeze and I pop,
but the hurting just don't stop.

It's been awhile since I've had such a hurty,
I wonder if I'm just too dirty?
I shower daily, I swear I do,
Maybe I shouldn't be using that goo.

Every move I make, I feel the pain;
but in no way are you starting to wain!
Please leave me alone and just go away,
and really please for more than one day.

Kristina mentioned something about a boil,
but don't worry, I am still loyal.
I don't mind you have a blemish,
removing MINE is my only wish.

Why oh why did it have to be the cheek?
Every step makes me even more weak.
Laugh and point at the freak,
Who talks of zits on her butt cheek.

Was this a little too much info for ya? Naw, I didn't think so!

*p.s. I finished Miss Delacourt! It was so awesome, I will write a "formal" review later on--I promise! But I have to be honest, I thought this poem was hilarious until I started reading Miss Delacourt, and then I thought "I'm such a twit! A cad! A chit! Very not up to snuff!" Oh well, it's what I got.*

No One Will EVER Visit Me Again, Will They?

Why I don't like people coming to my house:

1. I would actually have to put the laundry that resides on my couch away.

2. I would have to yell a lot at my kids to pick up all their stupid toys. And I try not to yell so much, mostly because it hurts my ears.

3. I'm afraid they'll smell whatever it is that's leaving the funk around here, that I still can't locate.

4. I have to actually shut the door when I pee!

5. I can't leave my bras hanging on the doorknob to my bedroom.

6. That whole cleaning thing just keeps coming back to me. I'd actually have to do it.

7. I'd have to button my pants.

8. I can't pick my nose whenever I feel the need.

9. I'd have to open the blinds and let some light into this pit of despair.

10. I WOULDN'T BE ABLE TO BLOG!!!! THE HORROR!

How about you? Are you a visiting kind of friend or a homebody?

When Is Stealing Okay?

There are many types of friends. The loud ones, the funny ones, the shy ones, the good listeners. You know what I mean?

But do you ever meet someone, make friends and then realize later on that they aren't the greatest friend? It happens sometimes.

Have you ever had a stealer friend? Oh boy, have I.

This kind of friend is the type who steals everything you have. Not literally, they don't come to your house with a stocking on their head and take all your valuables. No, what they do is much, much worse. This friend comes to your house, sees your decorating ideas and steals them for herself! I know, it's shocking!

Now, I'm all about some good copy-catting, isn't that like the highest form of flattery? What I mean is, you tell them you have the best idea, and then they go off and tell everybody it was their idea. STEALER! I gotta be honest, I really hate that! Especially because I always have awesome ideas....mmmmm hmmmmm.

This person steals your best stories, they steal your lingo, they steal your jokes. They even steal your friends! It's crazy, and super annoying.

And how do you stop it? Tell everyone "NO, really that was MY idea!"? Then you're the petty one. I guess the simple thing to do would not tell them your idea's anymore. Hmmmmm, I think I just may try that...but that wasn't an idea, just a thought, please don't steal it!!! :)

I think of all the friends I've had though, the stealer is the worst. How about you, ever had a friend like that?

But Atleast I'm "Reading"!

Things I hate about blogging:


~My son always wants to sit on my lap, so I end up having to type one handed. Which is okay up to a point. But I have to be honest I curse word verification! Because I think I've got my comment typed out and I'm done, scroll down...DANG WORD VERIFICATION! NOOOoooooooo!


~I get so absorbed in blogging/reading blogs, I miss meals. (which you'd think was a good thing, but no.)

~I totally get why people put music on their blog, but I came to read and the music is distracting. I always have to turn it off. The worst is when the widget is down at the very bottom of the blog and I can't find it! Grrrrr

~When people are fake. This is for people you actually know (duh, how else would you know they're being fake?), so like when they have a jerk spouse and complain all the time, but they go on and on about how sweet their spouse is on their blog...it's annoying.

~Trying to impress perfect strangers. I hate it when I'm blogging, or I read a blog and I feel like I'm trying so hard (or they are) to impress everyone. It's like high school all over again. Just be yourself and you'll find some of the billion bloggers out there that connect with you.

~I hate it when you go to a big blogger's blog and it says right there that if you leave a comment, they'll come comment back, but then they never do. LIAR!

~But I also hate comments too. Not really, I LOVE getting your comments, but I hate feeling like the post was good, or you're a good blogger based on comments. It's a lot of pressure. Also very high schoolesque.

~I hate trying to think of something funny, getting an idea, writing it out and then can't standing it.

~Getting writer's block. Pooey.

~Taking one day off and then spending hours the next day trying to catch up.

~Really horrible grammar. I mean I'll still read ya and all that, but if there's TONS of mispellings and lots of bad grammar, its just so hard to concentrate on what you're saying.

~Tired eyes, achy back, headaches from staring at the screen for so long.

And what I hate the most about blogging?:


~Not being completely blog famous already! :D


(Notice most of my hates are totally controlled by me. And since I have no self-control, I'll go on doing them. Huh.)




Things I love about blogging:



~Making friends without even leaving my living room! AWESOME!


~Having thoughts and idea's bouncing around in my brain, and finally having a place to put them!


~Using my creative juices. Sometimes the juice is a little fermented, but still there is juice.


~Laughing at some of the funniest stuff I've ever heard in my life!


~Being able to relate with other people who go through the same things I do on a daily basis!


~Keeping my sanity through some sort of adult interaction. Score!


~The opportunity to "meet" people (and I like to think, friends) I would otherwise never know!


~Getting to comment (share my own thoughts & opinions) to other people on their blogs! Sometimes I have some strong opinions, and I'm sure my husband is VERY happy I get a lot of that out here in blogland!


~I ADORE witty comments!


~I love finding fun craft blogs/hair blogs/idea blogs/whatever kind of blogs, and getting idea's from there! It is the best!

~Feeling "smart" because I'm "reading"!

And what I love the MOST about blogging?:

~ALL OF YOU!!


Even if there's things I don't care for, the best parts of blogging totally trump the rest! Thanks for being my blogging buddies! Yay for blogdania!

Do YOU Aspire to Grandeur?

Today is Sunday, so I feel like I should post something somewhat spiritual. But sometimes I feel all this pressure to be funny because on Mormon Mommy Blogs I'm listed under "funny ladies" or something like that. They're probably going to kick me out of that category before too long, I'm just not up to par. Darn it all.
But I also don't want to post about spiritual things right now, maybe someday I will, but mostly I'm selfish and like to keep those things to myself... Or maybe I'm just not spiritual? No, that can't be right... Okay I'll give you a little taste of spiritual-ness, alright?!

I love General Conference, truly! And I only fell asleep the very last talk of the very last session, come on now that's pretty impressive! And I blame my husband because he fell asleep first and then the kids did, and how do you stay awake when everyone else is asleep?! (and you stayed up until 2 AM the night before...) So anyway, I really enjoyed Conference the last two days, I feel very uplifted, but there's something I could not stop doing while watching. Every speaker that gets up, I imagine what it must feel like to be speaking to thousands of people and being broadcast all over the world--it must be terrifying! I think, someday when I'm up there, how will I feel?! (Yes, I really do think that. I'm so humble, aren't I?) I really do think about what I would talk about, how I would make it the most amazing talk ever, that would really touch people, and then think about if I would pass out on the walk up to the pulpit, if I would get so distracted by all the people that I wouldn't be able to focus on the words to read, if I would start giggling at the most inappropriate time.

Which is obviously why I will NEVER speak at General Conference. Oh, and because you have to be amazingly awesomely good to as well. Do you think I have issue's with proving myself? I just want to be the best of the best!

So, what are your aspirations?

LaBeouf, You Got the Stuff

Okay, I have to admit to something terrible. Something heinous. Something I am so ashamed of, especially as a married woman and a mother of three.



I have a crush.


A crush that is not on my husband. >uncontrollable sobbing< A crush that is fast becoming an obsession.


I have a crush on this man:

OOooooohhhhhh, hot dog that man is cute!

It feels extra wrong because I've watched Shia since he was a young teenager on Even Stevens. I thought he was funny/quirky then, and enjoyed the show (hey, atleast I was a teenager at the time as well...uh, yeah.), but lately he's coming out in more and more movies, and I just have to say I adore him in every movie I've seen him in. I mean, I didn't care for the new Indiana Jones movie, but I did like Shia in it. >tingly< (I said Shia like we know each other! hehehehehe)

Create your own FACEinHOLE
(Oh my, isn't that hysterical!?)

We recently watched Disturbia, and I LIKE HIM. He is so cute and funny and real. I mean, obviously he's acting so thats not who he really is, but in all his movies there's this underlying attitude that I just really like. He is my newest celebrity crush and I can NOT wait for Transformer's to come out this summer! YEE HAW!!

And to leave you with a short SNL clip of Shia: >sigh<

So, who's YOUR celebrity crush?

Uh Der, Who're You?!

Sometimes I want to kick myself. I'm trying very hard to like myself for who I am, and I'm also trying very hard to improve the things I don't like about myself.

Then I have days like last Sunday.


In some ways, I can be fairly shy. Once I know you and who you are, there's not much holding back. But before I know you, especially in very public situations, I don't put myself out there. Being welcoming and getting to know new people is one of the goals in improving myself.

With this goal in mind, last Sunday I saw a new girl sitting in the Young Women's room. I usually feel nervous about introducing myself to visitors (even if they are only sixteen. I'm a horrible YW Pres. I know...), so I tell my Laurel President to go welcome her. But no, I'm improving! I think to myself, It's not that hard, go over there and ask her who she is!

So I do!

She says, "I'm so and so."

"Oh! Are you visiting?!"

"Um, no. I'm one of your assistant camp directors."

Turn around and walk away like a jerk and an idiot.

I honestly felt completely mortified. In my defense, I wasn't there the Sunday the assistant camp directors were set apart. And she looks like a flippin teenager too. So I feel bad all week, thinking oh my gosh what do I say to her now?! She probably hates me! No, no, go back to her and apologize.

So I do!

"So and so, I'm so sorry! Sometimes I'm such a ditz and I totally wasn't thinking! Hopefully I can erase that first impression and you won't think badly of me!"

"Um, actually that wasn't the first time we've met."

Blank stare.

Turn around and walk away like a jerk and an idiot.

Seriously people, I don't even know what to do anymore. Work with me here lady! At this point, I'm done trying to make up for being dumb. I've tried, and I've failed. Oh well, ball's in her court.
(Of course I'll still be pleasant and nice, I'm just not going to go out of my way to apologize again, or be extra doting on her or whatever. It is what it is.)

So what do you do when you completely shove your foot in your mouth?

Can you have Tourette's in Hell?

I'm in such a strange mood right now. I mean I'm always in weird moods, always a little craziness going on, but right now: STRANGE.

Why so strange? Well, I just had a fantastically awesome date with the Husband, so I'm feeling very happy and content. That part isn't the strange part, I'm usually very happy with my husband. ;) The strange part is, the Husband's family is here on super short notice and its thrown my world all out of whack.

Do you know what I mean?

I love family, I love spending time with family, I miss family terribly (we don't live near much family). But when family comes to visit, I mentally have to prepare myself for it. Because I can't go and do the things that I normally do or do NOT do. DO do DO do OD dOo. Wow, I'm tired. Okay, moving on. So what I was saying is that Husband's family came in rather suddenly and I'm feeling all off kilter. And its all about me guys! ME.

Not that Husband's last remaining grandparent on the entire earth just passed away or anything.....

Okay I KNOW that I'm horrible and going to hell, got it, I've come to accept that. And truly I'm not trying to be selfish or inconsiderate--truly. But you have to admit only having a few hours notice before someone comes to stay with you and then having to put all your plans on hold and do whatever people tell you is a tad bit inconvenient. Not as inconvenient as someone dying I suppose, but still. Inconvenient. And its making me feel a little crazy.

Okay, rant over. And tomorrow (maybe, or the next day, who knows with whats been going on?) I'll post about the super sweet, romantic, my husband planned ALL by himself (because I bribed him with ummm.....chocolate, yeah chocolate.) date we went on! He's a winner that one. A real winner.

(I don't know why I'm repeating myself so much today, maybe I have Tourrete's. Or... Tourrete's. Yeah.)