I'm tired. I know I say that a lot, but thats only because IT'S SO TRUE. I'm really really REALLY tired.
For a couple reasons: first up, I've been reading a lot, and even though I promise myself I will stop reading at a decent hour, I always end up...indecent. I mean, I've been staying up until midnight like the last three nights, reading. I know its stupid, but by golly, it is the ONLY time its quiet around here and I want some freaking peace.
The midnight thing wouldn't be such a big deal if once I finally went to bed I could actually sleep, but noooooo. There's the second problem: I have children. This causes me much more of a problem than just lack of sleep, but we're only talking about this one for today. Every once in awhile my two year old wakes up and screams, or has a bad dream or whatever; so every few nights he wakes me up and I have to go in and figure out how to get him back to sleep OR I get to change all his sheets because he peed the bed OR I get to lay in bed and hear him scream for me if my husband tries to go in there so I end up getting up anyway. Then I also have a baby. A baby who will NOT take a pacifier. Who when you try to give him a pacifier gets very ANGRY. Who thinks that his MOMMY should be his pacifier. I HATE THIS. He sleeps alright the first half of the night (you know the half that I wasted reading) but the second half he wakes up all night and screams and wants me to feed him, but he wants to just keep going and going and it doesn't matter how long I've nursed him, he will SCREAM a lot once I cut him off. And then he'll be back at it an hour later. It makes me not like him very much.
Sometimes my husband snores, or pulls the blankets off me or talks in his sleep.
Also, we have stupid loud neighbors.
Combine all these things together and you get my nights: Nights where I am woken up approximately 53 times and I'm ready to kill someone--or myself--at any given moment. Its so lovely.
I am so at my wits end I'm ready to do something desperate, I don't know what that would be, just SOMETHING...thats desperate. Because I'm feeling desperate. And tired. And like someone punched me in the forehead and between the eyes. And I don't want to hear the comments that say this will never get better, because I can handle getting up every once in awhile, I can handle listening for teenagers to get home, I can handle my husband talking in his sleep (this one I quite enjoy actually). What I can't handle is screaming baby in my ear, seventeen times in four hours. Maybe I just need some ear plugs...what do you think?
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