Thursday, February 18, 2010

A Knee Up

So, last night was a real winner for me. I don't know if you're familiar with dislocations, but I am. I so am.

When I was 10 and in the 4th grade, I was at recess. And my friend and I were playing a fantastically clever game of "run along the bench and jump off the end." It was thrilling. Well, when it was my turn to jump off the end, my friend said, "Wait Melinda, I don't want the duty to get mad at us, come get down." So what did I do? I got down. And in the process of getting down I twisted my leg at some odd angle to cause my knee cap to come out of place = dislocation.

I spent a horrible long while of agony laying on the ground while the duty ran up (I'm sure she was real happy then too) and some teachers brought a stretcher out and carried me inside to the nurse and the nurse cut my brand new black stretch pants (I was not happy) and then called an ambulance, and then rode in that ambulance very slowly all the way to the hospital, then waited for the doctor to finally "re-locate" my knee cap. It was hellish.

Since then, my knee has dislocated about nine other times. I hate to sound dramatic or exaggeratory, but I would rather go through a hundred pregnancies and labor than to have my knee dislocate. The thing is, it is a paralyzing pain. Every muscle in your body wants to freeze because every movement is agonizing. And not only is it agonizing, but its like something out of a nightmare. It is horrific.

Last night, I went to get in bed to read a book. I set my son down on the bed and then turned to sit myself. The turn did it to me like it always does. And I fell halfway on the bed and halfway off, and partways on my son. The thing is, I'm big. And my pregnant body just doesn't want to move the way I want it to. So not only did I have to heave myself up higher onto the bed (Oh gosh its horrible just thinking about it...), I had to find the strength to somehow replace my knee. So as I lay on my back I had to pull my leg up high enough to grab somewhere near my ankle (can you picture this pregnant?) and lift the bottom half of my leg high enough for my knee to reconnect where it was supposed it. I almost couldn't do it. Somewhere in my head I was screaming. (Lucky I don't scream outloud when I'm in pain, don't ya think?) When it was all said and done, I laid on my bed sobbing. For awhile. And then I called my mom. Because I'm a baby. And I wanted my mom.

The thing is, at the time it really did feel like a nightmare and I couldn't fathom anything worse happening to me at that moment. I kept thinking, my gosh what else could happen to me? When are things going to get better instead of worse?! Etc. etc. etc. And even though I still really am not happy it happened and had a hard time this morning feeling alright, it did force me to think that things really could be a lot worse. I may not be happy with some things right now, but I'm healthy. My kids are healthy. My baby's healthy. I have a place to live. I have food and I can pay my bills. (I think.) I have family that loves me and I have friends that are good to me. I have the gospel. What else do I need?

I need to be happy. I need to change my attitude. So I'm trying, I'm trying to figure out how to be happy even when things are hard. I'm trying to figure out how to turn things over to someone better, who knows how to handle things much much better than I do. I'm trying to have better faith.

How do you guys keep a positive outlook when things get tough?


  1. First of all OUCH!!!! It made my knee hurt just reading about that - You can really paint a picture when you write!

    I can't even imagine the pain but I think it is a good thing you can put it back in place yourself (even though it hurt like H-E- - !!). Trying to get to the Dr. with your little ones and your pregnant belly at night....Oh my, it is actually a blessing you didn't have to do that!

    Sometimes you just need your mom!

    When things get tough I sometimes just have to stop everything (after I've curled up in a ball and cry) and take a breather and put it all in prespective - which is exactly what it sounds like you did.

    Hope tonight is mucho better!!

  2. Hey, you deserve to cry and curse the world! That really, really sucks.

  3. Sometimes the big picture is soooo overrated. It's hard for me (especially in this nasty winter climate) to see the good and happy things in my life.

    Things I love when I'm pregnant:

    Buying new shoes ('cause fat clothes are DUMB)
    Chocolate Covered Cinnamon Bears
    Food with friends.

    Also, I like these things when I'm NOT pregnant.

    Get to know your neighbors and invite one each week over for lunch. (Same day and same time every week, but new friend) Make it short and sweet, but it will make you want to keep your house clean, and get up and get dressed and ready for company.

    And do service! Even if it's for your children right now, do something "extra" for them every day. Pack something in their lunch or do one of the chores they hate, and it will change the overall mood in your house.

    Good luck!

  4. I agree with Sheryl... dang that was good Sheryl!

    Here's what i love being pregnant

    naps. I don't know why but when I got a nap in it was like the deepest sleep ever. Well until i hit the end.

    then the next thing I loved was a recliner.

    I love the having someone over for lunch. or a play date because you have to have some sort of motivation and having someone over is the best kind to not only get yourself ready but your kids and your house.

  5. so sorry, I would have called my mom and cried too!!!!

  6. My former husband was a football player --has had knee surgeries on both knees. I remember the pain he went through.
    I have never had anything even close to that.

    It is hard to "pull yourself out" when you feel really blue and just want to punch something. Sometimes I just have to grovel in it for awhile (not a good quality of mine) and let it take it's course, then I like to get out for a nice long walk, THINK, and pull myself back together.
    Then I have to repent for being of "so little faith". cause that is what I always do, tend to think all is hopeless..........when I KNOW it's not.
    It's Not.

  7. That looks so sore! I can't even imagine how that must have hurt. Sometimes it can be hard to have a positive attitude when things are tough, but it sure makes things a lot easier instead of being negative. When I am feeling down or negative, I like to work out, or go for a walk (especially when the sun is shining. Anything in the sunshine picks me up! Otherwise just a good time with some friends or loved ones helps me a lot!

  8. I only dislocated my knee once and it was when I was swinging them over the side of the bed. Totally sucked. Actually, that started the ball rolling and I did it several more times over the next few days until I went to the doctor, got a brace, physical therapy, etc., but it was a really crappy experience. Sorry you're dealing with it pregnant. I'm 36 weeks right and I can't even imagine having to deal with that on top of everything else.

  9. I usually drink a lot.

    BTW, that picture...oooooouch!


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