A Knee Up

So, last night was a real winner for me. I don't know if you're familiar with dislocations, but I am. I so am.

When I was 10 and in the 4th grade, I was at recess. And my friend and I were playing a fantastically clever game of "run along the bench and jump off the end." It was thrilling. Well, when it was my turn to jump off the end, my friend said, "Wait Melinda, I don't want the duty to get mad at us, come get down." So what did I do? I got down. And in the process of getting down I twisted my leg at some odd angle to cause my knee cap to come out of place = dislocation.



I spent a horrible long while of agony laying on the ground while the duty ran up (I'm sure she was real happy then too) and some teachers brought a stretcher out and carried me inside to the nurse and the nurse cut my brand new black stretch pants (I was not happy) and then called an ambulance, and then rode in that ambulance very slowly all the way to the hospital, then waited for the doctor to finally "re-locate" my knee cap. It was hellish.

Since then, my knee has dislocated about nine other times. I hate to sound dramatic or exaggeratory, but I would rather go through a hundred pregnancies and labor than to have my knee dislocate. The thing is, it is a paralyzing pain. Every muscle in your body wants to freeze because every movement is agonizing. And not only is it agonizing, but its like something out of a nightmare. It is horrific.

Last night, I went to get in bed to read a book. I set my son down on the bed and then turned to sit myself. The turn did it to me like it always does. And I fell halfway on the bed and halfway off, and partways on my son. The thing is, I'm big. And my pregnant body just doesn't want to move the way I want it to. So not only did I have to heave myself up higher onto the bed (Oh gosh its horrible just thinking about it...), I had to find the strength to somehow replace my knee. So as I lay on my back I had to pull my leg up high enough to grab somewhere near my ankle (can you picture this pregnant?) and lift the bottom half of my leg high enough for my knee to reconnect where it was supposed it. I almost couldn't do it. Somewhere in my head I was screaming. (Lucky I don't scream outloud when I'm in pain, don't ya think?) When it was all said and done, I laid on my bed sobbing. For awhile. And then I called my mom. Because I'm a baby. And I wanted my mom.

The thing is, at the time it really did feel like a nightmare and I couldn't fathom anything worse happening to me at that moment. I kept thinking, my gosh what else could happen to me? When are things going to get better instead of worse?! Etc. etc. etc. And even though I still really am not happy it happened and had a hard time this morning feeling alright, it did force me to think that things really could be a lot worse. I may not be happy with some things right now, but I'm healthy. My kids are healthy. My baby's healthy. I have a place to live. I have food and I can pay my bills. (I think.) I have family that loves me and I have friends that are good to me. I have the gospel. What else do I need?

I need to be happy. I need to change my attitude. So I'm trying, I'm trying to figure out how to be happy even when things are hard. I'm trying to figure out how to turn things over to someone better, who knows how to handle things much much better than I do. I'm trying to have better faith.

How do you guys keep a positive outlook when things get tough?