Tyra (O Wise Crazy One) said something along the lines of, you have to be professional, and its one of the hardest things to keep your mouth shut when you feel like you should say something about someone's character because you need to tell the truth.
Its really is so frustrating. We're taught our whole lives to stand up for whats right, to do the right thing even when its hard, to tell the truth and be honest; and yet, we get to be adults and thats not really what people want you to do. They want you to look past their faults, they want you to get over yourself, they want you to mind your own business, they want you to keep your mouth shut. Nobody likes a tattle tale. And yet we train our kids their whole lives to BE a tattle tale. To let us know whats going on, to not keep secrets.
What would you do if you knew some personal information about someone, and they were telling your best friend complete and total lies, then your friend came to you and was talking about it to you? Do you keep your mouth shut? Do you set your friend straight? Do you share, do you keep quiet?
There's so many different sides to this. The person who you know is lying, now says you're judgmental. Doesn't matter that what they did was horrible, you're judging them so that means YOU'RE bad. Somehow when you "tattle" on someone, no matter how true it is, you get made to be the bad person. You're a gossiper, you're intolerant, you're mean.
Maybe you're not trying to judge someone, maybe you're just trying to be honest. Maybe you were raised by a mother who despised lying, and its hard for you to take any of it. I know I was. I HATE when people lie. Hate it. So its hard not to want to stand up and say "THAT ISN'T TRUE!!" But is it my place? Is it right?
Why is it so hard to sit back and watch someone "get away" with something? Its not my place to inflict justice on someone, but it sure is hard not to want to sometimes! Do you struggle with this? Do you wish people would stop lying and just take responsibility for their actions? Or does it not bug you, let people live their lives and thats that?
What do you think?
Oh, man, I totally agree. I think that many times, people think having an opinion means judging. And let's be honest. Judging isn't always a bad thing. If my friend was cheating on her husband, I can judge that situation and say that I don't agree with it, nor do I want to associate her.
ReplyDeleteI think I would try to make things right. In the case of ANTM, that situation was ridiculous and I think the model was being unprofessional and petty.
Wow, you hit on a topic that is very fresh on my mind. I understand the whole tell the truth thing but I have to admit that there have been some situations in my family where I said what I thought was the total truth and it was immediately turned around on me. I have come to the conclusion that most people deep down know the truth about themselves but resent anyone bringng it to light, it makes them face what they are and THEY DON'T LIKE THE LITTLE RIMINDER. So if there is one thing I have learned it is to keep my mouth shut, then I don't have to defend something that wasn't said.
ReplyDeleteI have also decided that I need to only worry about the things I have control of and all other things I need to just let go. It has actually been quite stress relieving to do that.
Thanks for letting me do a little rant. That was a stress reliever too.
All I can say is AMEN! I fullheartedly feel this same way. I think we've all been in situations like these. Whenever I have someone come up to me and tell me something they "heard" and it's something that I KNOW for a fact isn't true, I always tell them that I know the real story and it isn't the one they are telling me. That's all I say and leave it at that. It usually makes them shut up real quick. Thanks for the "deep" post today. :)
ReplyDeleteHey, you just described my in laws PERFECTLY. There is all kinds of crap that they (and their children) have swept under the rug and everyone who enters the family has to take a solemn vow never to air any of it. (Not really. It just feels like that sometimes.) It drives me nuts. Espcially when my in laws are too oblivious to see a bad situation that on of their grandchildren could be in because they aren't willing to accept the fact that some of their children have real live problems.
ReplyDeletewow. Can you tell I've been holding that in for a while?
Well because blogger decided to delete all the comments, I'm adding them back in! :)
ReplyDeleteKristina P. said:
Oh, man, I totally agree. I think that many times, people think having an opinion means judging. And let's be honest. Judging isn't always a bad thing. If my friend was cheating on her husband, I can judge that situation and say that I don't agree with it, nor do I want to associate her.
I think I would try to make things right. In the case of ANTM, that situation was ridiculous and I think the model was being unprofessional and petty.
Connie said:
ReplyDeleteWow, you hit on a topic that is very fresh on my mind. I understand the whole tell the truth thing but I have to admit that there have been some situations in my family where I said what I thought was the total truth and it was immediately turned around on me. I have come to the conclusion that most people deep down know the truth about themselves but resent anyone bringng it to light, it makes them face what they are and THEY DON'T LIKE THE LITTLE RIMINDER. So if there is one thing I have learned it is to keep my mouth shut, then I don't have to defend something that wasn't said.
I have also decided that I need to only worry about the things I have control of and all other things I need to just let go. It has actually been quite stress relieving to do that.
Thanks for letting me do a little rant. That was a stress reliever too.
Ginger said:
ReplyDeleteAll I can say is AMEN! I fullheartedly feel this same way. I think we've all been in situations like these. Whenever I have someone come up to me and tell me something they "heard" and it's something that I KNOW for a fact isn't true, I always tell them that I know the real story and it isn't the one they are telling me. That's all I say and leave it at that. It usually makes them shut up real quick. Thanks for the "deep" post today. :)
Rachel Sue said:
ReplyDeleteHey, you just described my in laws PERFECTLY. There is all kinds of crap that they (and their children) have swept under the rug and everyone who enters the family has to take a solemn vow never to air any of it. (Not really. It just feels like that sometimes.) It drives me nuts. Espcially when my in laws are too oblivious to see a bad situation that on of their grandchildren could be in because they aren't willing to accept the fact that some of their children have real live problems.
wow. Can you tell I've been holding that in for a while?
I totally struggle with this. I am truthful by personality and compulsion, as much because it is the right thing to do and ethical, etc. I would go so far as to say that I'm obsessed with truth, even worshipful of it. So, it has been very hard for me to understand that plenty of people (and good ones, too!) don't feel the same way. It just never occured to me that someone would want someone to believe something about them that was untrue or wouldn't be totally grateful that I corrected their pronunciation of a word or who resented me pointing out their flaw or mistake even whilst knowing it's true. As a result, I have had many bad experiences and have had to learn the hard way to just keep my mouth shut. The rule of "it's none of my business" has to come before "what's true is true" but only out of self-preservation, not because I really think it is the reigning principal. But I could be wrong. Hang in there!
ReplyDeleteYeah, it's hard for me to keep my mouth shut but I guess it comes down to whether someone is being hurt by the deceiver or not. That's when I don't keep my mouth shut.
ReplyDeleteYou know, I've never thought of this before just now, you're right though. Exactly right. I think I'm as conflicted as you are.
ReplyDelete