Don't Freak Out!

Hey, if you're new around here thanks to Shelle, come on in and make yourselves comfortable. But not too comfortable because I'm out of here! Now stop that, you don't need to cry! It's gonna be okay, I promise! Because I'll be back tomorrow anyway. :D

I have a quick "thing" I gotta go to, but don't worry about me it's not like I'm sick or anything. Oh wait...I AM sick. I have a horrible cold right now. I hope I survive the night--or atleast I hope the people staying with me will survive, with me on cold pills. :D

Until tomorrow then, try to be okay. I told you, I PROMISE I'll come back. I know you can do this! BYE!

The Gas Man

Dear Stupid Costco Gas Attendant~

When you stand RIGHT IN FRONT of an open lane, don't look at me like I'm stupid when I ask if it's open or not. You are paid to, I don't know, watch the lanes? Basically you're paid to stand there. A monkey could do your job. You are NOT paid to flirt with the pretty other gas attendant and treat me like an idiot.
Sincerely,
Gassy Disgruntled Buyer

p.s. Next time I'll just run over your foot. And maybe a leg.

Nerd Love

I used to be a very avid TV goer. Man, when reality TV hit, I was ALL over that! In an obsessive sort of way, it's just how I roll.

I would watch decorating shows, cooking shows, soap opera shows; really it didn't matter, it was on: I would watch it.

When I went to work about a year and a half ago, my TV watching went waaaaay down. I didn't have time for it anymore, I had other things that had to be done and much less time to do it all. So I pretty much stopped watching TV. Then I started blogging anyway, and didn't have time for ANYTHING else.

But NOW, now everything has changed! We got a fancy contraption that makes TV viewing oh so enjoyable!

We. Got. DVR.

It's amazing. (If you don't know what DVR is, it's like Tivo, and if you don't know what Tivo is, its like sticking a video into your VCR and recording your favorite shows, but WITHOUT the video!! And you can do it on LIVE TV! It's like magic!)

So now I can record the shows I want to see, watch them whenever it's convenient, fast forward through all the dumb commercials, rewind if I miss anything, pause if I have to pee--pretty much amazing, yes?!

The downside? I've noticed I am a geek. I love--no really, I LOVE this show--Avatar. LOVE it.
No I can't emphasize enough how much I enjoy this show. And it's a CARTOON. And it's like sort of japanese anime, sort of-ish. And I'm so not into that--normally. But Avatar is the exception, and "I LIKE IT! I LIKE IT! And I don't care who knows!"



So there. I'm a dork. (You knew that already didn't you?)

Ode to Blemishes

An Ode to Blemishes: A Tale of Pain and Suffering

Pimple, pimple on my cheek;
It's been an hour but feels like a week.
Every movement conveys your disapproval,
but all I want is your removal.


You fester, you ooze;
I think I need some booze.
I squeeze and I pop,
but the hurting just don't stop.

It's been awhile since I've had such a hurty,
I wonder if I'm just too dirty?
I shower daily, I swear I do,
Maybe I shouldn't be using that goo.

Every move I make, I feel the pain;
but in no way are you starting to wain!
Please leave me alone and just go away,
and really please for more than one day.

Kristina mentioned something about a boil,
but don't worry, I am still loyal.
I don't mind you have a blemish,
removing MINE is my only wish.

Why oh why did it have to be the cheek?
Every step makes me even more weak.
Laugh and point at the freak,
Who talks of zits on her butt cheek.

Was this a little too much info for ya? Naw, I didn't think so!

*p.s. I finished Miss Delacourt! It was so awesome, I will write a "formal" review later on--I promise! But I have to be honest, I thought this poem was hilarious until I started reading Miss Delacourt, and then I thought "I'm such a twit! A cad! A chit! Very not up to snuff!" Oh well, it's what I got.*

SSHHHHHH!

Please be quiet around here, I'm obsessing over Miss Delacourt Speaks Her Mind, and I need a moment. Or two. I think I love Sir Anthony.

Sweet Sassafrass Sunday

WOW GUYS! Just WOW!

Yesterday was one of the best Saturday's I have had in a long, LONG time! It was a day all about me, and hanging out with awesome women!

Yesterday Heidi Ashworth came right up the road from me to do a book signing, it was great fun to get to meet her, and I just have to say I didn't think she could be any more sweet as she is on her blog, but SHE IS! She is truly a wonderful person! AND she looked fantastic, with a matching outfit and purse to her book--awesome! (Thanks Heidi for signing mybook, I'm already reading it, and loving it!)



Yes thats a baby grabbing at my crotch, don't worry he's MY son so it's not as bad. :)

Let's see, from left to right: Julie, Wendy, Heather, Val, Me, Funky, Kristina, Heidi, Jana, Kazzy.
(Missing: Barbaloot! And Dede, except I can't find her blog, sorry!)

And the Snuggy comes out!! WHEEEE!


This is exactly the faces that should be made while wearing a Snuggy. Always. (I think this was right after Wendy mentioned something about gay love. Classic.)

And the best picture EVER:

Heidi and Me rockin' the snuggy! I took this picture from Val--thanks girl! (And yes, why don't you have more pictures of me?! What a shame! hahaha)

And I just have to say, if you're ever scared to go to a meet and greet, you should be terrified! Just kidding, you should be terrified NOT to go! The only way I can describe it, is seeing an old friend. And not someone you haven't been wanting to see, but someone who miss and its just like picking up where you left off. Actually it was pretty amazing! Thanks ladies for making it such a fun day!

Not 'Til You See the Whites of Their TEETH

ggggrgggle...uh...slrrrrp...hey guys.

Sowry 'bout fuh wisp. WISP. Ya know, ssssLISP. I'm twying to whiten my teef.


Okay, that's about all I can stand to write like that, the spell check is going NUTS! But back to what I was saying, I was talking about white strips. Have you ever had the intense pleasure of using them?

I remember right after Oldest was born, my sister came to visit. Her teeth were sparkly white and I was a tad bit jealous, or seriously impressed. One of those. Or both. My sister-in-law worked (and still does for that matter) for a dentist and so she gave me some white strips. Similar to these (or EXACTLY like them!):

I was SO excited about having perfect pretty white teeth! I go use them for the first time...GAG!! Do you realize those things taste like sweaty balls?! Oh yeah, I just said that. I have NO IDEA (I swear to you! Hey mom!) what that (those?) would taste like, but those strips are nasty. N.A.S.T.Y.
So I didn't use them anymore and forgot completely about perfectly lovely white teeth.

Fast forward to the present day (or close to it anyway). I see this post of Shelle's. And then after that post, she does a video SHOWING her awesome white teeth!! And right then and there I vowed I must have white teeth and I would suffer through the sweaty gym sock taste! And I would do it happily--like this:



Fast forward just a tad more to today, I finally convince myself have time to go to the store and pick up the strips. I read the instructions. You need to wear the strips for 30 minutes TWICE a day. That's an hour folks. In other words, ETERNITY. I'll be honest with you, it was not a pretty sight. I may have gagged a few times. There was definitely some droolage. But I DID IT! Yay for me! And my white teeth too! Because after this initial try, I'm outty. This is as white as they get.

(Just kidding guys, hopefully by the time I meet Miss Heidi Ashworth this upcoming Saturday morning, there will be a considerable difference! And if not...I will kill myself.)

No One Will EVER Visit Me Again, Will They?

Why I don't like people coming to my house:

1. I would actually have to put the laundry that resides on my couch away.

2. I would have to yell a lot at my kids to pick up all their stupid toys. And I try not to yell so much, mostly because it hurts my ears.

3. I'm afraid they'll smell whatever it is that's leaving the funk around here, that I still can't locate.

4. I have to actually shut the door when I pee!

5. I can't leave my bras hanging on the doorknob to my bedroom.

6. That whole cleaning thing just keeps coming back to me. I'd actually have to do it.

7. I'd have to button my pants.

8. I can't pick my nose whenever I feel the need.

9. I'd have to open the blinds and let some light into this pit of despair.

10. I WOULDN'T BE ABLE TO BLOG!!!! THE HORROR!

How about you? Are you a visiting kind of friend or a homebody?

Here's Wishing for Summer

Because today is a GLORIOUS day to behold (from my computer chair of course), I felt the need to share my favorite summer things!


Here goes:

But MOSTLY, I just like to hang out in bikini's on rocks...

...and sometimes go shopping.

What are your favorite summer things?

When Is Stealing Okay?

There are many types of friends. The loud ones, the funny ones, the shy ones, the good listeners. You know what I mean?

But do you ever meet someone, make friends and then realize later on that they aren't the greatest friend? It happens sometimes.

Have you ever had a stealer friend? Oh boy, have I.

This kind of friend is the type who steals everything you have. Not literally, they don't come to your house with a stocking on their head and take all your valuables. No, what they do is much, much worse. This friend comes to your house, sees your decorating ideas and steals them for herself! I know, it's shocking!

Now, I'm all about some good copy-catting, isn't that like the highest form of flattery? What I mean is, you tell them you have the best idea, and then they go off and tell everybody it was their idea. STEALER! I gotta be honest, I really hate that! Especially because I always have awesome ideas....mmmmm hmmmmm.

This person steals your best stories, they steal your lingo, they steal your jokes. They even steal your friends! It's crazy, and super annoying.

And how do you stop it? Tell everyone "NO, really that was MY idea!"? Then you're the petty one. I guess the simple thing to do would not tell them your idea's anymore. Hmmmmm, I think I just may try that...but that wasn't an idea, just a thought, please don't steal it!!! :)

I think of all the friends I've had though, the stealer is the worst. How about you, ever had a friend like that?