My Saturday, so far....dun dun dun

8:11 am- I'm woken up to a sort of rhythmic 'thump, thump' next door, which makes me roll my eyes and hate our neighbors just a little bit more. Whats worse is it dies down enough for me to start to fall back asleep before they pick things up again...this goes on for about half an hour. Me waking up by their noise, trying to fall back asleep and then eventually annoyed to all get out wondering why my life is full of cliche's. Everybody hears about if you live in an apartment, you're going to be woken by your neighbor's doing it, but it happens to me ALL the TIME. If we ever stay in a motel/hotel/whatever it is guaranteed that I'm going to hear thuds sometime in the middle of the night when I want to be sleeping. And I've come to the conclusion that these people are so loud because they WANT you to know they're doing it. It must be a sick kind of turn on or something, because I just don't know how you can make that much noise...

8:45 am- I finally drag my fat, achy body out of bed and wobble downstairs. Eat some Reese's Puffs (yum...) and go back upstairs to shower. My 20 month boy usually showers with me because there ain't no way I'm letting him roam the house alone and most likely catch something on fire. He's gotten in the habit of calling my boobs "yucky", because he tried to grab at me last week and I said "yucky! No touching!" Do you think I've scarred him? Yeah right, that gene is too deeply ingrained...

9:30 am- I check my e-mail and facebook and get stuck on what to put as my status. I type something out, find it incredibly stupid and erase it. Do this five or so more times and come up with something generic and safe and boring...

10:14 am- Have to PEE!! Run to the bathroom and sit down only to discover that the last little tushie that sat here dribbled on the seat and I've now sat in it. Oh the joy's of parenthood. Hey, atleast they're potty trained and I don't have to change another stinkin diaper...

11:45 am- It hits! Every child within a hundred mile radius wants a snack--RIGHT NOW! They're all demanding: I want this, I want that, NOW NOW NOW! And of course they all want different things. My son wants fruit snacks, which he isn't getting because he just chews them up and spits them on the floor. But everything I point to he says in a very firm "NO!" until I just pick something and hand it to him. He throws himself on the floor, kicking and saying "NO! NO!" until he looks at it and takes it anyway...

noon- I'm ready to go back to bed...

What I Meant to Say

Today is Wednesday, which means Chief is doing her "What I Meant to Say" Meme.





Let's see if I can come up with any...hmmmm...


To my children, when I say: "HURRY UP!!!"

I don't mean: "Sit there and move as slowly as possible, stare off into space or watch some more tv! Please I love it so much!"

I mean:"MOVE YOUR BUTTS BEFORE I GET CLOSE ENOUGH TO YOU TO PULL YOUR HAIR!"

(Aren't my kids lucky?)



When I said: "I'll think about it and let you know."

I didn't mean: "Please, please please keep hastling me about it and insisting until I give in. Its what I want oh so bad!"

I meant: "Get the crap away from me, I don't want to do that. And the more you ask and insist, the more I want to hurt you."



These paint me in such a great light don't they...I bet you guys are glad you only have to deal with me on here instead of real life huh? I'm actually really nice, I swear!

A Montage of Posts

So today is my first taste of having no husband. He left last night for weekend duty and will be back tonight, then he leaves tomorrow for good. Well, not for good but until June. So how have I used my time today? Well, I started out cleaning our bedroom, doing laundry, cleaning the bathrooms and organizing stuff. Then I got tired and I've been sitting here for the last couple hours eating chocolate and watching tv and surfing the internet. Bah.

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I figured out how to get compliments on how you look. Don't wear makeup for a couple weeks, and then when you want to get noticed: put some makeup on! The compliments come pouring in, its amazing!

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I need to brush my teeth.

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But I did shower today. Yay!

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We still haven't decided on a name for this baby. It is driving me crazy! We had a really hard time with the last one too, almost up to when he was born before we finally figured out what we wanted to name him. But this time I really wanted to have it done before my husband left since I'm not sure how often I'm going to get to talk to him before the baby's even born. Do you think he'll be mad if I just choose my favorite, since he hasn't come up with anything?

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I've been watching too many decorating shows. I have a really bad itch to decorate! Hopefully soon, I can get some of these ideas out of my head and they'll turn out amaaaaazing!

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I figured out that I have an opinion about EVERYTHING. And I wish I didn't. I wish I could see a person walking down the street and not have to think about what they're doing or wearing or whatever. Why won't my brain turn off?

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My son is a biter. He keeps biting or pushing or smacking other kids, (and sometimes adults--I know! Its horrible!) and I don't know how to stop it! I mean honestly, every kid goes through a hitting stage, but my girls were waaaay easier to break. He just doesn't seem to get it--it doesn't matter if we tell him no, if we show him how to be touch nicely, if we talk to him about it, if we yell and scream, if we bit him back. He. does. not. get. it. Have any of you had this problem with your kids? What worked for you? Do I need to buy him a Hannibal Lector mask or what?

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We went and saw "Avatar" the other day, as our sort of last hazah! before husband leaves, it would've been completely amazing except my husband got motion sickness watching it! Isn't that so cruddy?! But I really did enjoy the movie so much, can't wait for it to come out and watch it again...the only thing is, I'm a little concerned about myself. Is it normal for me to be attracted to the big blue cat like people?! Because I think the guy was hot. Seriously.

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Okay, okay, I know this went on way too long, but thanks for letting me get all that off my chest! Next post hopefully will not be about me spending the next two weeks curled up in the fetal position missing my husband. Keep your fingers crossed! (Actually, I KNOW the next post won't be about that, because trying to picture myself in the fetal position is pretty hilarious, since I have a nice big belly in the way of doing that...maybe I'll spend the next two weeks in a semi-curled position, or hiding in a closet. A big closet.)

Happy happy Joy joy

Thank you so much everyone for your very sweet and caring comments--truly it warmed the cockles of my heart! Now since my last post was all about what makes me sad, its only fitting that this post should be about what makes me happy!

The lovely Rachel over at Trapped Between a Scream and a Hug (I would link, but I'm on the world's most annoying computer and it keeps freezing and erasing my post every time I try to, so...sorry.) gave me a Happy award and I just love her for it!

So here ya go, my list of what makes me happy:

1. Chocolate. Specifically right now the combination of chocolate and peanut butter. Yum....

2. TV. Specifically HGTV, TLC and Bravo. Love the shows they play, love "Divine Design" and "The Little Couple" and all the Housewives shows...my escape from reality.

3. My own place. Even though the neighborhood we're in isn't the best and I'm terrified to be alone here, I actually really like our townhome (our neighbors are getting better at the loudness thing too, so that helps). I can't imagine how much more crazy I would be if I didn't have my own place to take care of and do my own thing in!

4. Crafts. Not that I'm doing much crafting lately, but just the idea of doing some makes me happy. I have a list going so when I actually have the time/money I can do some fun projects.

5. Shopping. I haven't been shopping in a long time, part of that being I'm fat and pregnant and don't really want to buy anything (the other part being I have no money, duh), but generally shopping makes me happy. Especially if its a steal! Like the other day we found winter boots for my daughter for $3.50! Whoo!

6. Dreams. Sometimes my dreams are terrifying, but thats because I'm pregnant and have weird pregnancy dreams. But its the dreams of what the future holds and what can happen someday can be pretty fun!

7. My family. I love my extended family, its hard to stay feeling really bad when you're around people who are funny and love you so much. I love spending time with my family and I'm really grateful for them.

8. My kids. Although there are times where I want to rip my hair out (or theirs...), my kids are good kids and they make me so happy. They say the funniest things, they do the funniest things, basically they're crack ups.

9. My husband. Also one that can drive me nutso at times, but makes me so happy most all of the time. Just the fact that he's so willing to try and listen to all my ridiculous complaints and whines, I am totally lucky.

10. The gospel. What else can I say? I would be miserable, I would have no way of dealing with the things I go through if I didn't have the gospel to guide me. SO LUCKY!

Alrighty, I won't pass this on to anyone because like I said before I can't link up, but if you want to participate please feel free! Thanks guys!

Serious Sunday

(Okay I wrote this post this morning, spent a long time doing it too and when I was ready to post my stupid computer froze. I still feel really self conscious doing this but maybe it will make me feel better. Maybe it will make me feel worse, but its a risk I'm willing to take. I guess.)

So I don't normally do this. "This" being post on Sundays and/or post something so serious. But I really need to just get this off my chest, it is so all consuming that hopefully if I get it out there, I can actually think of something else to blog about. Hopefully, but not realistically...



So, the deal is. I'm depressed.



I have never in my life had issues with depression. The closest I've dealt with was after my first was born, I had the "baby blues" sort of thing. Where I just wanted to weep all the time. My mom would call, "How ya doin' honey?!" and I would say "...fine...waaaah" I didn't even know why I was crying. Just felt like crying. But it passed pretty quickly and that was that.



But this, this is different. If you'd like to be my therapist for a minute I can tell you why I'm so sad. (I'll try not to make this too long or too pathetic, but I can't guarantee anything.) So, this last year we lived in Utah. We'd been living in Utah for about five years, during which my husband was supposed to be going to school, but after awhile he found it was too hard to go to school full time, work full time, do homework and actually pass his classes. It wasn't working. So we (me) came up with a plan, he decided he really wanted to go into law enforcement. He applied back home, did their testing, passed everything but still didn't get a job because they only had like two jobs to offer. Next step, join the Guard because if he really wanted to go into law enforcement thats a big step to help you get in. Then we found out we were expecting again. In my hormonal state, I decided that we HAD to move right then, because if my husband was going to be gone, I wanted to be near my family and have their support. So we did it, we moved. What I didn't expect was to miss all the people, things and experiences we had in Utah SO MUCH. One reason thats making me sad right there. Then we start the process of joining the Guard, NOTHING goes the way we had planned. NOT ONE THING. Not the job he wanted, not the time frame, not the sign on bonus, nothing. There's another reason. Then we can go back to the fact that I'm pregnant, my husband is going to be gone when I deliver this baby. Gone. I don't know how to handle it at all, I am so freaked out/scared/sad/miserable over this. My husband leaves next week and I'm supposed to somehow do everything by myself. Biggest reason why I'm having such a hard time. Now add to that, we have absolutely no money whatsoever, so I get the great pleasure of stressing over bills and money and we probably won't even start getting paid until March. I want to throw up. And on top of that, I'm having problems with my in-laws and I just feel so alone.

And probably thats what it all comes down to. I feel so alone. I feel like if I don't call people or if I don't make an effort to keep in contact with people, I would be completely forgotten. I could not even tell you what it would do for me to have a friend show up at my door saying they were thinking about me. I'd probably burst into tears. I mean sure, if someone gave me a million dollars it would really help me out, I would feel a LOT better, but what I really want is some attention. How pathetic is that?

Its been a good lesson I suppose though, that now when I know someone's going through a hard time I can do something for them. Or the good lesson would be, don't make huge life changing decisions when you're pregnant? Anyway, I know that people aren't trying to ignore me, everyone has their own lives and their own problems to deal with, I get that. I'm just so sad its hard to get out of bed in the morning and I don't know how to make it better...do they give anti-depressants to pregnant women?

(I swear, I feel like such a whiner/pathetic loser. If I get some rude commenter that calls me names, I think I just may throw myself off a cliff. Please feel bad for me.)

Whats in a Name?

I cannot blog! Mostly because after two seconds of sitting in this chair, I am so extremely, ridiculously uncomfortable I want to throw up and scream at the same time! I'm a short girl (5' 2", thank you) and I just don't have enough room in there I guess. This baby thinks he's allowed to fiddle on my ribs as often as possible, and its actually pretty painful! Oh yes, I said "HE", we just found out last thursday that we're having another little boy! (Heaven help me!) Not that I don't love my son, I love him waaaaaay more than my girls, but he smells bad. And he breaks stuff. And he pinches and bites all the time. I'm a little afraid about how this next baby will even survive. We'll keep our fingers crossed for when the time comes.

Right now our biggest challenge (you know, besides paying our bills and not going into a deep depression) is picking out another boy name. I find boy's names so much harder to pick than girl's!
Here are my issues with picking a boy name*:

1. It can't be common. I don't want a John, or a Mike, or a Shawn or something everybody has heard of for forever.

2. It can't be weird. Although I don't want a common name, I also don't want a weird name that sounds weird-like.

3. I like names with meanings. So that means I want a family name or a church history name or a name of someone that meant something to me, not a name that I just saw in a book and said 'yup sounds good.'

4. I want a name that will grow with him. I think certain names are adorable...for a little boy. But that little boy has to grow up and be a man, and what if he wants to be a doctor or a lawyer or someone super important and I named him Skippy?

5. My husband doesn't like anything I like. He's dumb.

So there ya go. Do you think I could make this any more hard on myself or dramatic? I probably could, don't put it past me. The other problem is that my husband is leaving in a week and a couple days and we would love to have it picked before then. How bout that, did I make it even better?

Now that you know the circumstances, could you help me out? I would love some name ideas or some suggestions on how you picked your kids names, pretty pretty please?!

*Please don't feel bad if you named your boy John or Mike or Shawn, I don't care, I think they're great names, I just have issues. Like, there's something wrong with me. I don't judge other people how they name their kids, they can do whatever. This is just how my mind thinks. :)

NOW NOW NOW!

So I'm back again, how's it going? For me? Its going....well, its going.

I was making a menu for the month, and realized I only have two weeks before my husband leaves for basic training and then he'll be gone for five months. Ugh. It hit me not well.

I've been having a recurring thought lately. It just keeps popping up. Maybe its on my mind because everyone's making resolutions and goals and its making me reflect. Maybe not. Who knows?

So what I've been thinking about is all these things I'd like to have and do and be. As in, I would love to sew quilts, and paint and craft. I'd also love to buy a house and decorate it. I would also love to go on a REAL vacation, you know, a really AWESOME one. And while I think its great (and necessary) to have goals and look to the future, I also think we're very much a generation of NOW. We can't be satisfied with SOMEDAY. We can't be happy until we are perfect and have everything we dream of RIGHT THIS SECOND.

I'm trying really hard to tell myself, its okay to not have those things right this second. You can work towards those things later. You don't have to know how to sew and quilt and craft right now, you have years and years and years to do those things. You can be a world famous author when you're fifty, why do you have to have it now?

Right now, you're life is raising children. Improving the things in yourself you can control. Not wasting every minute wishing and dreaming for something you can't have! I need to find joy in the moments and be happy with what I have. All the while I can still make goals and want things, I'm not saying thats bad, I'm not saying we should be complacent and give up hope for better things.

I think it comes down to being thankful and finding joy in what you do have.

Its hard though, really hard. How do you guys do it?

"What I Meant to Say"

I am having such a hard time blogging lately! I don't know why besides the fact that there's drama in my life and its using up all my brain cells. So I'll try my best to do Chief's "What I meant to Say" Wednesday and actually be somewhat funny-ish. I'll try, but I have a feeling its going to come off bitter and angry. Sorry.




First situation: At the shoe store my 4 year old has to pee, I go to the lady at the counter and ask her if they have a bathroom, she tells me no (after ignoring me for a couple minutes until I finally say EXCUSE ME) and then proceeds to ignore me some more until I ask her where the nearest bathroom actually is. Its down around the corner, in the rain and I'm fat and pregnant. When I get BACK to the shoe store she asks me if I found a bathroom alright? What I say: a quick nod. No words at all.

What I meant to say: Are you kidding me that you don't have a bathroom anywhere in here for a little kid so she doesn't pee all over your floor?! Where do you freaking go when YOU have to pee?! And don't patronize me after ignoring me, you're freaking lucky I have a giftcard here or else I WOULDN'T HAVE COME BACK!


Second situation: A huge group of teenagers are walking in the middle of the street I'm driving down. I'm going slow and waiting for them to move out of the road, when one of the girls right by my window yells at me and tells me to move or stop or some other stupid crap, I say through the window: Are you kidding me? You need to get out of the road!

What I meant to say: Listen here idiot teenager, what you're doing is illegal and I really should just run you over. If I wasn't worried about going to jail I would do it happily. Jay walker.

Last scenario: When the lady at church called my 18 month old a "nuisance" I stood there with my mouth agape.

What I meant to say: I will kill you dead.

2009 You're Sublime! Or Something Like that...

So I've hijacked my sister's laptop in an attempt to give 2009 a final nod (we get internet on Monday; hallelujah!!) and I hope you guys really appreciate this because its taken me forever to do! :) So here you are, some of my top highlights of 2009 and a big hello to 2010!

Favorite Song:
#1: Halo by Beyonce

runners up: Tonights Gonna Be a Good Night/Black Eyed Peas and pretty much anything by Lady Gaga :)

Favorite Movie:

I haven't seen Avatar yet or I'm sure I'd say that one, so I guess I'll go with either Harry Potter or The Princess and the Frog. I didn't get out to a lot of movies this year, darn.

Favorite TV Show:
America's Next Top Model: PETITE season
(I SWEAR I missed my chance in life, next season won't be for short girls AND I'll be too old--so soooo sad!) ;)


Favorite Book:

Fablehaven series, I know these books aren't brand new, but there's a new one coming up soon! But I ate this series up and just adored it, his writing gets better and better each book!

Favorite Vacation:

Well, since pretty much the only vacation we took was up to Washington, I'll choose that one. :)


Favorite Outfit:

Orange cardigan, I wore this sweater a LOT. Writing this right now sucks because I'm fat and pregnant and I don't like anything I have, so coming up with a favorite outfit was rough!


Favorite Person:

I think normally this section would be like your favorite movie star of 2009, but I don't know any famous people. And since we've moved and I miss a lot of friends, I have to give a little shout out to my friend Shanna who I really just got to know this past year and I adore her. (I have lots of amazing friends that I miss terribly, just focusing on someone from this year ya know?) So anyway, I want Shanna to know that I truly admire her as a person, she's taught me a lot, been a great friend and listened to me go on about whatever for hours, she's so awesome!


Most Drastic Change:

Moving to Washington, and joining the Army Guard. And getting pregnant.

Highlights:

*kids birthdays & fun holidays

*trip to Vegas

*painting Isabel's room



*photography


*playing with cousins


*a very fun summer


*Niki's wedding

*finding out we're expecting again (could possibly go under the next category depending on how you look at things) :)

*new nephew Liam!


*youth activities



Lowlights:


*Sam really sick :(

*Grandpa Larry's passing


*Sam swallowing the needle = awful

*packing up everything in 2 weeks

*missing friends & family from Utah like my heart would be ripped out


I'm sure I can think of lots more highlights and even some lowlights, but I'm tired now and I ate WAAAAAY too much for dinner and I feel stretched. Hope you enjoyed this little look back on this last year, hopefully we'll take what we learned and make next year even better!