I love my husband--a lot!
Okay, I wanted to say that first thing, just to make it clear. I REALLY REALLY love him A LOT, got it?!
So, I have to admit something. I used...to...watch...
...OPRAH! I'm so ashamed!!
Now maybe some of you like Oprah, but for lots of different reasons I just don't care for her anymore. But I USED to, a lot. One day I turn on Harpo, and she was talking about cheating husbands. I've actually known quite a few people with a spouse that's cheated on them. So I'm a little paranoid anyway. On the episode, (and the people I've known) the spouse had NO IDEA there was any cheating going on. They talked about different signs and what to look for. Now, my spouse and I have talked about cheating a lot, it's one of those things that I just can't get past. God bless the people who can, they are much more forgiving than I am, but I just know I could never get over that. Anyway, once I've been hurt, I build walls. I'm not going to walk around all vulnerable to get hurt. I'm just protecting myself.
One of the ways I protect myself is to be untrusting.
It's not that I don't trust my husband, I just don't want to be one of those people that think it will never happen to them, just to be blindsided by it and fall into the resulting coma (because you know you go into a coma if you are cheated on, duh.).
The point? My husband all of a sudden changed his Facebook e-mail to a new one. It seems like to me, that if you put in a new e-mail you get a new account. But the old one's still there, so does he have some sort of secret account?! (Don't worry I'll be talking to him when he gets home tonight, for sure.)
So, I decide to play detective. And by detective, I decided I would just type in his name and see if another account showed up. And guess what ladies?! ANOTHER ACCOUNT DID SHOW UP!
I see his normal account right at the top of the search list, okay check. The next account says his name too, and the same place of where we live. That must be it right?! There's a picture of like four guys all buff with their shirts off, and I see the face on the middle guy is pasted on (I can't tell if it's my husband's face, because really those pictures are SMALL), and I'm like really nervous now! What if it IS his?! So I click on the account.
The info on the profile says he's looking for women, some of his interests and hobbies, all kinds of stupid crap. And I'm starting to get a little freaked out. So I click on the picture. PHEW! It's not him, it's some real other guy who lives in our area by the same name--ironic much?!
But I'm going to keep looking until I can talk to the man, because who actually comes up with a cheater account under their own name?! Sheesh, I'm not THAT dumb...
Do you have trust issues or is it just me?
Easy Baby Name Sweater How-to (Pattern Method!)
3 hours ago
It's just you. You are crazy. Or completely normal.
ReplyDeleteIsn't it exhausting? Just remind him how hot you are and they will be knocking down doors for you if he cheats! THEN tell him...he gets the kids!
ReplyDeleteDo I have trust issues? Do you mean, am I incapable of getting into a serious relationship cuz I don't trust people to truly know/understand/love me? Then sure. :)
ReplyDeleteBoy, this is a tough one. We all come by our phobias honestly (meaning, something happens that affects us in ways that we are vulnerable for whatever reason) but it makes me sad, too, about the walls. It's so true that most women have no idea their spouses are cheating and that's a scary thought BUT it's sad, too, that you aren't as emotionally close to your husband as you could be if you weren't so on your guard. Consider this: how likely is he to actually cheat? Then, how likely are you to not have the best marriage you could b/c of your fear? Could letting go of your fear and really being close emotionally possibly prevent an affair? Most good guys who stray, do so b/c he experienced "emotional intimacy" with another woman. Men need that as much as women do, they just don't realize it. So, anyway, I'll get off of my soapbox, now . . . I just think you are wonderful and adorable and having a great close relationship with your spouse is so rewarding--you deserve the best!
ReplyDeleteJust ask my hubby, he'll tell on yours:)
ReplyDeleteOh Heidi you're so good and so sweet! In a lot of ways, what I said was true, I DO worry about being cheated on. But NO, my husband would NEVER cheat. It doesn't hold me back emotionally, but if something comes up that makes me do a double take, I will. I won't just pass it off as coincedence, I'm going to ask my husband in detail what happened, etc. The rest of the time is bliss! And he understands me so well, I promise it doesn't get in the way. In fact, it's good because if I ever have a fear or a concern, I will ask him about it, straight up, instead of dwelling on it secretly. So in that way, we're very open with each other about our feelings and our fears. I hope that makes sense! And thank you for what you said, I really do appreciate it!
ReplyDeleteTrust issues. I've got 'em. It has been at times a loooooooong 17 1/2 years for my husband. But I'll tell you something - it hit me that one way or the other, I HAVE to be here. I HAVE to be the Mommy and he has to be the Daddy for our three kids. If I found something out what would I do? Leave. So I quit looking so hard and acting paranoid and basically driving him bonkers. Because I want to have an intact household for my children. And after I made that decision to quit looking to be hurt? Things have been golden between us. He likes living in an environment where his wife isn't expecting him to screw up. He likes feeling trusted.
ReplyDeleteI know some would freak out at my attitude of "stay in it for the kids" but I ask you... if I am willing to die for my kids, why wouldn't I be willing to live for them too?
I hope you find your way in this Melinda. You aren't alone in your fears.
WOW! I think I am just in awe that you were willing to put into words what a lot of women are constantly concerned about. I was cheated on a lot back in the dating age, so it was really hard for me to be trusting with Hubby. I'm working on it constantly. I was too trusting back in the day and now I think I am not trusting enough. Where is the happy medium? If you find it, let me know!
ReplyDeleteOh and ps- hate Oprah now. Was turned off when I saw her interviewing Camren Diaz and they were talking about how our society has evolved and we don't need marriage anymore. Hmmm! They suck!
First off I'm so with you on the Oprah thing. I haven't been a fan for about 5 years now (for a few different reasons) and honestly I sometimes roll my eyes that so many people idolize her because of [insert favorite show topic here].
ReplyDeleteI totally understand where you're coming from. I get ya all the way sista! Does it ebb and flow for you or is it a constant thing? Cause for me it'll spike, like when a random old girlfriend will find his email, and then subside a few days later.
This has happened in our family twice in the past 6 months. (I don't mean my immediate family. I mean my SIL and my cousin). And when it happened it hit me hard. Especially my SIL. She is one of my best friends and I now have some serios trust issues with her now. I am also a little bit more wary with my own family. It bothers me when my hubby spends a lot of time with women at work. But he knows that and I do trust him. That doesn't really answer you're question though, does it?
ReplyDeleteMy first husband cheated on me. It really tore me apart and gave me major trust issues. I did remarry, but my poor hubby has had to deal with all my paranoia and craziness as I have worked through my stuff. I did warn him, though!
ReplyDeleteP.S., I have never been an Oprah fan. It's creepy the way people fawn all over her.
I honestly don't have trust issues with my guy. He and I are both horrible liars...
ReplyDeleteWait... either THAT or he's EXCELLENT.
Now you have me wondering... way to go! :)
Not really -- I think I am past it. Have you considered a second job as a private investigator!! (tee,hee)
ReplyDeleteThat would freak me out, big time. Yeah, I dig it. FB weirdness, just when FB was weird enough!
ReplyDelete