Well thank you so much to everyone and their great advice on my last post! It was really nice to hear your point of view and what you all do, it helped a lot, really!
So this is kind of where I'm coming from. I feel conflicted. I spent this last weekend on a sort of retreat for the older teenagers in our Ward. Okay wait, I'm just going to spell this out and not hold back anything. Sometimes I just give ya'll basics because sometimes I don't want you to know EVERYTHING about me (shocking I know, since I can share about my bodily functions and anything else you never wanted to know...). So, I've been with-holding information from you, and I'm sorry (and since I've built this up so much once I share you'll wonder what the big deal was, I'm sure).
So anyway, I'm laying it all out there (and if you're not Mormon, you probably won't get most of this, sorry). I'm the Young Women's President. Yup, I know, it's shocking. So I spent last Friday and Saturday up Provo Canyon camping with the Priest and Laurels in my Ward and Stake. It's a retreat we do every year with them, a time where we can have fun, play games, hear great speakers and stay up way too late. Every year they have an awesome speaker (two years ago it was THE Brad Wilcox--he was amazing), and we also hear from our Stake President. They talk very openly, even bluntly, to these teenagers about issues they may face, problems, how to be strong, how to be righteous--it's so wonderful I can't even tell you. And while I was sitting there, I kept thinking about this blog. Sad, I know. Not that I wanted to blog about the retreat, but that through my blog, I was not uplifting anyone, I wasn't showing anyone what a good person or example I can be. And I felt really sad. Thinking more about it, I know my mom would be totally ashamed, she's just not that open with silly/somewhat awkward things, she doesn't think it's appropriate to talk about a lot of the stuff I have here. (I will say, she is a little prudish, and I wouldn't/would never/couldn't pull things back to the level she has, but I understand her point as well.)
So anyway, like a lot of you said: Why do I blog? Who is my audience? What's the point?!
I'm not sure. I blog because it's fun! I blog because I enjoy making new friends! I blog because it gives me adult contact with people I really like and that keeps me sane!
But, is it not good? I don't know. If my Young Women read this, I don't think most of it would bother me, they'd probably tease me and say I'm silly. Which they already know. But if their parents read it? I might never be able to look in their faces. If my Stake President read it?! Oh, I'm mortified just thinking about it.
Not because I'm ashamed of the person I am, because I was being quite honest in my posts and letting the "me" shine. But mortified because I should be someone better, how can I ever be a "great lady" if I'm so inappropriate? I can see myself through two different eyes, one being silly and trying to be popular, the other being spiritual and possibly inspirational.
Sorry this is super long and somewhat depressing! I guess I'll have to find the balance (something you guys talked about as well), I still want to be funny and silly and REAL. But I don't want to be offensive, rude and inappropriate. And maybe sometimes I'll throw in a little bit of...uh..."wisdom". Who knows if I've got any of THAT in me!
Thanks for listening, and I give you kudos if you read all the way through that crazy talk!
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