Friday, April 17, 2009

Cleaning Shpleaning

You know, as a wife and mother I have responsibilities, assignments--special duties, if you will. I try to take my charge with grace, poise and accountability. But sometimes, only every great once in awhiles's mind you, do I feel the weight of my obligations.

Oh, who am I kidding? My "obligations" are the equivalent of a ten-year old's chores!

I am a maid.

If I didn't have children, I don't think I'd mind the cleaning so much, but for the love of all that is holy, I cannot keep my house clean for two minutes. They follow me around in their tasmanian devil spin (emphasis on devil), reaking havoc all the way.

So here for your pleasure, is a list of my top five (top? maybe bottom would be better...) most useless, stupid, redundant, mind numbing chores in my opinion:

#5- Clipping the chicken's talons. I can't say it isn't lively, but you know they do have large talons.

#4- Lighting the candles at night. It gets dark, I know. But still, the monotony of it all.

#3- Braiding the horse's hair. Okay, I'm a hair girl myself, I learned to braid when I was quite little, but you have no idea how horrible the horse's are at staying still! The want to trot and giddy or whatever it is they do must be very strong.

#2- Official bottle warmer. It doesn't matter what I have going on, if the baby needs a bottle, I must warm it. The process being: either rubbing the bottle between my hands, or sitting on it. So drab.

#1- Patching toe holes. And it's ALWAYS the big toe! Well, sometimes it's the pinky...

Don't you hate those chores too?! I know, they're so degrading and stuff. Alright, alright, here's my real list (I know, I think I'm so funny! tee hee):

#5- Emptying the dishwasher. And I specifically mean the emptying part. I hate it because it means once its empty, it has to be loaded. I can't just stop at the emptying. It's like two chores rolled into one. Sucky.

#4- Folding laundry. Laundry in itself is a horrible, horrible thing. It's never ending! Atleast with cleaning the toilet, or mopping the floors, you're done with it until the next time it needs to be done. And even if thats the very next day, it's done when it's done. But laundry? NO. You get done with one load, there's another waiting to go. But the laundry itself isn't so bad, because as my mom says, you get to throw your clothes into the magic box and they come out clean. It's the folding part that takes so much time, and it's so doggone boring! Sure I could do it while watching my shows, but I don't have too many shows I watch, so what then?

#3- Taking out the garbage. Technically, this is my husband's job. But when the garbage is so full it's spilling out over the top all over the floor around it, I get the great pleasure of taking the trash out. I don't like it mostly because it's another thing I have to do, when my husband should do it.

#2- Making the bed. I mean, sure, I like having my bed made, but seriously who makes their bed?! You, I bet. Well, the only time I ever consistently make my bed is when I'm pregnant. Don't know why. I hate it because my morning's are frantic and limited, so to stop and make the bed is just not on my priority list and by the time I have a minute to do it, it's the middle of the afternoon and then, what's the point?

And the NUMBER ONE chore I think is the stupidest/most irritating?!

#1- Dusting. I loathe dusting. It's the one job I do that is completely useless. Maybe it's not as bad in other people's houses. But my house is over ONE HUNDRED YEARS OLD. A hundred! So it gets pretty dusty. I try to dust, really I do, but all it does it move things around. I bought some Pledge junk the other day, hoping it would help. Nope, lots of dust the very next day. Stupid dust particles, you are the bain of my cleaning existence!! (lots of fist shaking here)

So, what part of cleaning do you think is the worst? It's the chicken talons isn't it?


  1. I hate cleaning the bathroom, laundry, and making the bed. So, we don't make the bed, and I make my husband do the first two!

  2. I have never laughed so hard in my life!

    oh my gosh! I'm dying here Pogue!

    are you being serious about that one of your chores is clipping chicken talons?

  3. okay I'm the biggest dummy in the world! i can't believe I didn't see the whole part where you said "the real list" i was to busy laughing over the chicken talons!

    ha ha ha I'm still laughing. I would pay good money to see you do that!

  4. Well Melonhead, you've got life reallllly rough (oh are we talking yet?)

    HA! I never made my bed, but since we've moved into my parents, it's a non-discussable chore...IT MUST BE DONE...

    Ironing is horrible, whoever invented the iron should be shot! or burned...whatever!

  5. For me it's braiding the horse's hair (especially if I have to do the tail). Otherwise it's the CONSTANT picking up of the same, dirty paper towels that are two inches from the trash can but still sitting on my counter, constantly having to wipe my table down, and laundry definitely sucks...along with pretty much everything else you said!!

  6. Wait a second . . . did I write this? I seriously think that I wrot this . . . oh, wait, this is too funny to be someting I wrote. People actually make their bed? I don't get that, I never have. It's worse than laundry--you're just going to have to do it again the next day!

  7. I agree with Rachel, in that making the bed is worse than laundry! But, clipping the chicken talons is definitely one of the worst things, too. Assuming that the chicken is my son.

  8. Oooh Funky! The ironing you're right! I didn't even put it on my list, because I don't do it! EVER! hahaha

  9. Very amusing post--I'm glad I decided to spend a few minutes of my last day of blogcation reading blog posts! Dusting. I didn't do it for years--just hated it b/c you're right--it is pointless. However, those swiffer duster things almost make it fun. They are very effective and easy to use and it is very gratifying to see all of that dust sticking to them when you're done. You FEEL like you've accomplished something, you know?


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