Friday, January 16, 2009

You can't MAKE me GO, I only do it so my internal organs don't burst.

I have a fear of using the bathroom. And by fear, I mean I'm too lazy to get up and use the bathroom when my body tells me the first time.

It's been a long running problem. Since I was a little kid. And I just can't get past it. There are three things I absolutely hate that I have no control over.
1. Sleeping: I HATE sleeping! Think of all those hours wasted! All the time I could've gotten things done (i.e. reading blogs), cleaned my house, read books--WASTED! Just laying there, not even feeling rested when I get up. I hate it.
2. Eating: it's not that I don't enjoy food, because heaven knows I likey the foody. But I don't like HAVING to eat when I don't want to. I'm busy doing other things (i.e reading blogs), and I don't want to have to take time out because my stomach is screaming at me to EAT ALREADY!
3. Bathrooming: it never seems to fail when I'm right in the middle of doing something important (i.e. READING BLOGS) that I have to go to the bathroom. The baby's crying, my toddler's spilt milk all over and I'm trying to fix the CHAOS, but no--let's put that all on hold to pee. It always comes up at the worst times.

When I was in elementary school (and middle school and high school...) I would wake up in the morning, relieve my bladder, go to school, HOLD IT ALL DAY, take the bus home, RUN down our dead end road (to our second to the last house) in a dead sprint before I peed all over myself. Ask my sister. After awhile I would just start skipping and sing "Skip, skip, SKip to my Lou" all the way home trying not to pee my pants. It was my pee pee song. ALL THROUGH HIGH SCHOOL. When I was like ten or maybe even eleven, I had an accident. I walked home with our neighbor boy, and when we got to his house I knew I could not hold it in one more second. I couldn't. He started walking through his yard to his house. I stood there and stared after him. Legs tight together like a tin soldier. He kept checking back to why I was just standing there, staring at him. The look on my face must have shown that something was not right, because he never said anything, he never came back toward me, he just looked at me eyes wide. And I just let it go. It was too painful to hold anymore. I turned a couple inches at a time, following his movement toward his house, so he couldn't see the evidence. After he went inside (he probably had nightmares about me that night "Was she possessed?! Was she frozen in place?! What was she DOING?!"), I turned and ran the rest of the way home. (Did you know that pee on your legs is kind of stingy/itchy? Too much information? Oh, sorry.) Don't worry I got everything changed and in the laundry before anyone knew. Although I'm sure my mom isn't that stupid, I bet she figured out what was going on.

So you see, its a problem I've struggled with for years. I just hate peeing. I hate the monotony of it. I hate the time it takes away from me (i.e. okay, you get it! By the by, I do do other things occasionally...hehe I said do do!).

If you have a secret you want to share, you can head over here. And even better, its ANONYMOUS, so you don't have to disgust people like I just did. Yay!

UPDATE: Maybe someday they'll make one of these for women and all my problems would be solved. Atleast my bathroom problems.


  1. Perhaps if I hated the same things you did, I would much, much skinnier. Too much food and sleep, I tell ya!

  2. I have to tell you, I laughed out loud at your post (something I don't often do except when reading my own--b/c I'm totally self-absorbed that way) AND I also loved the video clip. Whoo-eee. My 7 year old has the same problem. I think I am going to have to teach him to do his own laundry any minute now.

  3. Kristina, I still sleep a LOT, I just don't enjoy it and I do it begrudgingly. :)

    Heidi, that is so nice! Thank you so much! (I'm totally self-absorbed that way too, maybe thats why I like you so much?) Yes, get him taught in the ways of the laundry before its too late! haha


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