Saturday, February 28, 2009

Whats Stuck in your Shoe?

I realize my last few posts were a bit of a different tune for me. Which is bound to happen since we all have different experiences and situations that effect our attitudes and moods. Anyway though, I would REALLY like to go back to the funny, carefree me. But first I have to share these two pictures with you:
This picture was taken at the cemetery, where it was seriously freezing, my son and I were wrapped up in Husband's coat and Son looked so cute so we took a picture.

When I looked at the picture the first time, I noticed something. Something WONDERFUL! Look at my eyes guys, LOOK*. I have laugh lines! Crows feet! Wrinkles! Whatever you want to call them! I LOVE that! I have character, I have age, I have signs I lived a happy, smiling life!

This other picture is of my super hot shoes, but walking through the cemetery a little leaf stuck in my shoe, so we documented it. I don't know why it matters, but hey, there you go!

Regular posts will begin shortly. Thanks for all your nice comments guys!

*Oh, just click the picture to enlarge and then you can see my lovely wrinkles.

Friday, February 27, 2009

Read All the Way to the End Before You Bring Out the Knives Okay?

Oh my, I should go to bed, but I missed you all so much and it's been so long since I posted (what a day or something...?) that I felt all off-kilter and had to read you guys and then add my two cents.

Do I really have anything to say? Hmmmmmm, yes. I may get burned alive for my insensitivity but I gotta be honest with you.

Funerals are weird.

The viewing was last night and it hit me so hard. Why are we standing around someone's dead body, crying over them and then a little while later we're laughing and talking all the while THERE'S A DEAD BODY OVER THERE GUYS!?!?! Hello? Am I the only one that's weirded out by this?!

My poor oldest daughter is going to be traumatized by it too. My father-in-law told her to touch great-grandpa. TOUCH HIM. The kid is SIX, if I'm a little freaked out by dead bodies then how do you think she's going to handle it? Hmmmm?! So she did, and then he told her its okay to cry. So she did. AND BOY DID SHE CRY! I dropped my two youngest off at a friend's and when I got back (within 10 minutes), I see oldest daughter at the casket holding great-grandpa's hand and bawling! Shock of all shocks, I hurried over there and snatched her up and had to calm her down the rest of the night. Why do people feel the need to do that to little kids? Please for the love, let them be little. We have to grow up fast enough, don't force it on them.

The funeral was today, and once again, I thought about the traditions of funerals and how the heck did we decide this was the best way to do things? Now please, please, don't get me wrong; I understand why we do things the way we do, I understand the concept of it all. But to be honest, its such a worldly perception to me. In the sense of, mourning over a body that really isn't that person anymore, crying over that empty shell, being heartbroken over something that isn't *necessarily heartbreaking. Great-grandpa was a month shy of turning 90, he had lived a wonderful, long life. And he was sick, his body was failing. And now its not! Now he's with people he's missed for years and years, he's reunited and he's happy and he's wonderful. I can't be sad over that! I can be sad that we won't see him for awhile; but I find so much joy in the fact that I WILL see him again, that I can't be sad for too long.

And while I understand that this is horribly generalized, that some situations are completely different and that everyone has their own experiences and feelings about death; my own experiences have taught me not to feel hopeless. And for that I'm thankful.

*of course there are situations that are extremely heartbreaking, I understand that. Don't think me completely insensitive, I'm not trying to be. I'm speaking in a "this person has lived a long, happy, fulfilled life and now its time to let them go" kind of situation. Does that make a difference? I hope so. :)

UPDATE: WOAH! I just finished this and posted it, and all of a sudden my daughter sat up and stared at me with these big ghosty eyes, so I said "Hi, you okay?" Nothing. "Hey, are you okay?" NoThInG. "Umm, lay back down." NOTHING. BIG ghosty eyes. STARING at me. I look at her. She stares at me with those BIG GHOSTY EYES. Finally she lays back down. Do you think thats a sign of some sort? Eek!

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

There's Nothing Wrong with Blowing Bubbles

So I know yesterday's post was pretty depressing. I won't go into anymore detail because, to be honest, the day just got worse from there. So I won't talk about it anymore, instead I'll talk about....PONIES and RAINBOWS and why I can't stop eating conversation hearts. Well, the last one's easy: because they sit right next to the computer and I like sugar.

But really, I don't want to dwell on the negative anymore, instead I'll go back to a simpler time. A time where you have no idea how hard life will get. A time of innocence and naivety. A time of...okay, childhood, I'm talking about being a kid. Get it? Childhood, the land of a million dreams, where nothing goes wrong, where its sunshine and roses and...Okay, I'll stop.

Things are so much easier when you're a kid! Like peeing your pants and pretending like nothing happened, like picking your nose and nobody cares, like telling someone they're ugly and not getting in a fistfight, like playing bologna darts, like spraying whipped cream right in your mouth.
Aaahhhhhhh, to be a child again...

Although I can't be a kid anymore, I can be childlike. I can look at people and see the best parts of them, I can let things go and not hold grudges, I can be forgiving and I can be lovable and kind. I CAN do those things, I really do have that option. So I'm trying, I'm trying to remember the lesson I've been taught my whole life. I'm trying to keep hold of that and not be a person I don't want to be. So I'm going to go color in some coloring books, and drink chocolate milk with a straw, and blow bubbles and laugh and be silly and dance around my living room.

RaInBOwS and pOnIeS....tra la lala la!

Tuesday, February 24, 2009


Or not.

I'm still here guys. I'm still reading you and trying to comment. I'm just slowing going insane. Down....down.....down....

Whittling away my sanity one day at a time.

Just thought I'd let you know, just in case you were wondering.

Also, NO, I'm not dramatic. In case you were wondering that as well.

If its been so long since I posted and you can't even remember who I am or what I'm talking about, I'm Melinda, and I have an in-law problem.

They're still here. And they will STILL be here until Sunday. SUNDAY people. I'm ready to collapse just thinking about it. And after I read that, my migraine settled in again. And by settled in, I mean it flared its ugly bulgy eyed head in a burst of throbbing power.

I don't want this to sound wrong, because I really do like my in-laws. They just don't like me.
Well, it's not that they don't like me....well, maybe, I'm not sure. It's just a stressful time, all happening at an inconvenient time for everyone, with a lot of unpleasant things that have to get done before a funeral. I get that. It just hasn't been the best moment for me. I'm trying to handle this gracefully, but I'm ending up looking like a hippo doing break dancing. Darn it.

Writing this down actually made me feel a teensy bit better, but maybe thats just the migraine meds I took, who knows? I'm going to go cry myself to sleep now. Later.

Saturday, February 21, 2009

Can you have Tourette's in Hell?

I'm in such a strange mood right now. I mean I'm always in weird moods, always a little craziness going on, but right now: STRANGE.

Why so strange? Well, I just had a fantastically awesome date with the Husband, so I'm feeling very happy and content. That part isn't the strange part, I'm usually very happy with my husband. ;) The strange part is, the Husband's family is here on super short notice and its thrown my world all out of whack.

Do you know what I mean?

I love family, I love spending time with family, I miss family terribly (we don't live near much family). But when family comes to visit, I mentally have to prepare myself for it. Because I can't go and do the things that I normally do or do NOT do. DO do DO do OD dOo. Wow, I'm tired. Okay, moving on. So what I was saying is that Husband's family came in rather suddenly and I'm feeling all off kilter. And its all about me guys! ME.

Not that Husband's last remaining grandparent on the entire earth just passed away or anything.....

Okay I KNOW that I'm horrible and going to hell, got it, I've come to accept that. And truly I'm not trying to be selfish or inconsiderate--truly. But you have to admit only having a few hours notice before someone comes to stay with you and then having to put all your plans on hold and do whatever people tell you is a tad bit inconvenient. Not as inconvenient as someone dying I suppose, but still. Inconvenient. And its making me feel a little crazy.

Okay, rant over. And tomorrow (maybe, or the next day, who knows with whats been going on?) I'll post about the super sweet, romantic, my husband planned ALL by himself (because I bribed him with ummm.....chocolate, yeah chocolate.) date we went on! He's a winner that one. A real winner.

(I don't know why I'm repeating myself so much today, maybe I have Tourrete's. Or... Tourrete's. Yeah.)

Thursday, February 19, 2009

If that's not LOVE, I don't want none of it

I really felt like I had to share, because well, I wanted to; but I told you yesterday that I got clothes from Victoria's Secret and I just gotta share how awesome it was! It was like Christmas morning guys! CHRISTMAS! Opening bag after bag of cute new clothes, and knowing I only paid like $10 a piece was so heavenly! Seriously, look at this picture:

All those clothes, plus the shirt I'm wearing today and the bra I'm wearing, PLUS there were a couple things MORE that just shipped, all for the price of:


I know that sounds like a lot of money, but since when have you gotten a couple pairs of pants, two bras and eleven or so shirts for that price?!?! Hmmmmm?! I gotta tell ya, that's fantastic! I'm so happy....

Oh and since I got quite a few comments telling me I'm not lovey with my husband, here ya go:

PROOF that I love him:

If that doesn't say LOVE right there, I don't know what does...

(p.s. Don't forget to go to The Mother's Lamentations and read my guest post! It ends TODAY!! Okay, no it doesn't, you can see it any day really, but GO, do it for mama...) (Oh, if you don't know where "do it for mama" comes from, don't ask, you really don't want to know.)

I'm going National!

I'm going to do a real post today, or maybe tomorrow, who knows!? It'll be a surprise! WHEeeee!
But in the mean time (is that right? MEAN time? Who wants it to be the time to be mean?....hmmmm) you can read my guest post over at The Mother's Lamentations! Yippeee!!! I know you're all super excited so move it, move it, MOVE IT! Hurry it'll still be there later, but HURRY! :)

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Sometimes I like feeling depressed

Since I was out of town on Valentines Day, I didn't get to write a super gushy, lovey dovey, I have the best hubby in the world post. Sad yes? I know you were all looking forward to it. But NO! You're not going to hear it. Sorry! Instead I'm going to do an anti-Valentine's Day post, since its past V-day and all.

Not that I'm against Valentine's Day at all, I'm not. It just doesn't fit to talk about it after the fact. Ya know, like I'm doing right now. Going on and on about Valentine's Day. Whatever. It's not like I'm eating conversation hearts right now...Oh wait......hmmmmm.

So I have a thing for sad break-up songs. I don't know what it is about them. I think its just because when the artists are singing those kinds of songs they put so much feeling, so much emotion, in them. And I feel it! So here's my mix tape of my all-time favorite break-up/sad love songs:

Music Playlist at

UPDATE: I made the first playlist very quickly and didn't check all the songs, some didn't work, some were just plain scary. So I re-did it, hopefully now you won't hear a girl screaming how much she hates her ex-boyfriend. Oh, and Shellie, I added your song too. :)

OOh ooh! Just a little side note: I ordered some clothes from Victoria's Secret and they just got here! YAY!! (Hey, Shellie, that shirt I got at Christmas is like $30 now, you should get it!) :)

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Trippy Maaaan


So, I'm back from my mini-trip and trying to catch up and get back to normal. (Normal, yeah. Like it's ever normal around here...) Do you know how much blog reading I have to do to get caught up?! 75.9823444 HOURS of reading. Its a lot. But the trip was totally worth it even with all the extra catch up. Heh, I wanted to say ketchup...

I'm not going to brief you on my trip, but I will tell you one of the highlights! Husband talked in his sleep again!!! HEHEHEHEHHehehehehehe AND my sister and her husband got to hear it, so they can confirm everything I tell you!

Here's the story:

Sunday night, Husband and Brother-In-Law (let's call him ummmm, Brother-In-Law...) went upstairs to watch a movie whilst my sister and I talked for hours downstairs. After the movie was over, Brother-In-Law came down to say that Husband slept through most of the movie and he didn't want him sleeping on his nice new couch but he couldn't wake him up enough to move him (as in, Husband was going Grrrrrr every time Brother-In-Law tried to get him to go to bed). So I head up there to see what I can do. This is where the fun begins! hehehehehe

I shake Husband, tell him to get up and go get in bed. He squints out of one eye and gives me the total stink eye. And just grrrrrrrr's at me until I can get him to get in bed. Then he starts kicking his leg and saying he wants some milk. This is how it goes:

Me: Why, does your TUMMY hurt?!
Husband: Noooooo, GIMME SOME MILK!
Me: Why do you want milk?
Husband: I'm not telling you everything!
Me: BAAahahAHAha!
Husband: IT'S NOT FUNNY!
Me: What's not funny?
Me: Tell me why you want some milk!
Husband: Errrrrrrrrrrrrrmmmmm, go make oldest daughter get it!
Me: She's asleep!
Husband: WAKE HER UP!
Me: NO. Ask Sister.
Husband: SISTER?! Gimme some milk?!
Me: She can't hear you.

Then we went in my sister's room to tell Brother-In-Law what was happening and Husband came stomping down the hall (I was a little scared), and went downstairs in the complete dark and got some milk. After I woke him up and told him what he'd done, he said he had heart burn and wanted some milk, but didn't remember any of the conversation. Oh, seriously guys, if your husband talks in his sleep, you gotta have some fun with it, its just priceless.

So now I'm back, and I promise never to leave you again! Maybe. Unless I go on another vacation. Sorry.

p.s. Tell me you missed me so I feel better about all the catching up I'm doing. Or because it makes me feel good. Or because you did something bad and you need goody points to make up for it. Or just because. :)

Thursday, February 12, 2009

The Devil Made Me Do It!

Oh sad, sad, sad. I meant to get a couple posts ready and have them go the next couple of days while I was out of town; but sadly, I've been lazy and now have to spend the rest of my time actually getting ready for our trip. Dang myself. I hate my procrastinating ways! But will I change? Probably not. But I hope so.

So you won't be hearing from me until next Monday or Tuesday (unless by some miracle I can move at the speed of light, get everything I need to done, and then blog too...). Now don't start crying, its going to be okay. I promise. I know you can survive, you're strong. You're tough! You can do it!!

I just don't know if I can do it.....WAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!! *running away, sobbing*

Bye guys, see ya next week! Don't do anything I wouldn't do... heh heh. (I'm going to Vegas, so I get to do anything I want, because didn't you know there's this saying: What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas. Which is the devil's way of tricking you into doing bad bad stuff and thinking you can get away with it. Don't worry I'll be good, I'm always semi-good. ALWAYS.)

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

What do Conversation Hearts say to YOU?

For Valentine's Day I bought three bags of conversation hearts and have been plowing through them ever since. I hardly ever stop to see what they say, since they've "modernized" them and now they say stupid things like "e-mail me" and "chill out". So dumb. My favorites are the white ones. Mmmmmm. But if you looked in my candy jar, you'd see mostly yellow all on top, because I HATE the yellow ones and leave them for everyone else. Except no one else likes yellow either. Oh well.

So, the point you say? Well, I was thinking about conversations and thought I'd share with you some conversations I have with myself. In my head. (Don't worry, I don't usually talk out loud to myself, although sometimes I do...)

Convo #1:
While watching Mystery Diagnosis about a woman with liver disease and the signs were sharp pains and bad headaches...

Myself: No you don't.
Myself: No, you're fine, its probably just gas. And too much Mountain Dew.
Me: Okay, you're probably right.
Myself: Sheesh, way to over-react.
Me: I still think there's something wrong with me...
Myself: You are a tard.

Some other time:
While talking to my sister...

Me: Why isn't the phone on the charger?
Myself: Hmmmm, thats weird, where'd I put the phone?!
(walking around the house looking for the phone)
Me: OH! I'm ON the phone, I'm holding the phone in my own dang hand!
Myself: You are a tard.

Another thought:
While talking to someone at church, or work, or just anywhere really...

Me: Stop staring at their nose.
Myself: Look away!
Me: I can't do it! There's a booger in there!
Myself: They're gonna know you're looking at them, don't touch your nose!
Me: I can't help it! I just wiped my nose, and looked at their nose, do you think they know?!
Myself: You are a tard.
(Strange replays of "Better Off Dead" going on in my head now.)

Last one I promise:

Me: I'm so funny! hehehehe
Myself: You are a tard.

So, what kind of conversations do you have with YOUR self?

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

My Husband, the Six Year Old

Every once in awhile my husband talks in his sleep.

This started right after we first were married. The first time I remember him talking in his sleep, he rolled over and said ever so sweetly, "The perfect snowflake..."

I was shocked! I looked over at him, saw that he was completely asleep and proceeded to bust up laughing. Its hysterical when he talks in his sleep!

Over the years, I've come to realize that when my husband's asleep, I think in his mind he is somewhere from six to twelve years old. I know this because he talks like a little kid, in this soft, high pitch, sort of whiney voice. Its cute and hilarious all at the same time!

Some nights I can tell he's going to talk, usually he's gone to bed early and I've stayed up late to um....I don't know, blog or something. (duh) I've also tried really hard to have conversations with him, and I could really do that if I could just stop laughing long enough to actually talk to him...

This is my favorite "conversation" we've had of all time:

Husband rolling around on the bed, moaning.

Me: Whats wrong?!

Husband: (remember, this is in a little kid whiney voice) My tummy hurts!

Me: *cracking up* You're tummy hurts?! (Oh and keep in mind, I talk to him like a mom talks to a baby, very cooey) :)

Husband: Yeah, my tummy hurts bad!

Me: *snickering* WHY?!

Husband: I ate rocks!

Me: *shaking with laughter* You ate rocks?!

Husband: Yeah, BIG ONES! Eeerrrrrrmmmm... (rolling around again)

Me: *trying not to pee my pants* Big ones huh? Are you okay?

Husband: Yeah, I want my mommy!

Me: *peeling laughter all over again* Really. Who's your mommy?

Husband: Grrrrrrrrrr (rolls over)

Me: *hehehehehehe* Husband?! Husband?! Who do you love?

Husband: I love my mommy.

Me: *immediately stops laughing, eyes narrowing* Who ELSE do you love?

Husband: I love Melinda...

Me: *Grinning again--that's right sucka* Do you love oldest daughter?

Husband: Mmmm hmmmmm, we play toys!

Me:*BAAAA HAHAHAHA* OH yeah? What kind of toys?

Husband: I like baseball.

Me: *Duh, he loves baseball. Rolling eyes.* Where are your toys?

Husband: At home, in my toy box.

Me: *deep breaths in and out.* Oh, you have a toy box?!

Husband: Mmmmmm hmmmmmm, a BIG one!


I can only last so long people. Then I have to wake him up and tell him how hilarious he is. He usually looks at me with sleep in his eyes, nods and rolls over. A little annoyed. But I love it. I totally love it.

I used to talk in my sleep, but now I'm not even sure I know what real sleep is anymore. To talk in my sleep would require actually going into REM mode or whatever, and since I barely close my eyes before some child is awake and crying, I wouldn't know what REM even is. But you know, its all worth it if I get to talk to Husband while he's asleep...

Some other time I'll tell you other reasons where my Husband acts like a six year old. :)

Monday, February 9, 2009

Shell + Mel = Forever

This post is for my long lost twin. A shout out, if you will.

A semi-long time ago, twenty-some-odd years, there were two precious little girls born. When they were cleaned up and looked upon fully for the first time, the doctors and nurses realized the amazing potential of these two hotties. They knew they needed to separate the chicas before their own heads exploded from so much exposure to pure awesomeness--and attractiveness.

That's when it happened, my life was changed forever. Shellie and I were taken away, me to become a Jedi and her to become a princess of some sorts. But the government couldn't keep us apart forever! Ha ha ha! They couldn't stop this! We've found each other, in a sheer force of will, or Jedi magic! Shellie started blogging, and I started blogging and soon enough we reunited! I did have to tell her to take those ridiculous buns out, but we're good now...

Isn't that an amazing story?! Really quite heart-warming if I do say so myself.

Now I want you to forget the fact that Shellie and I are not the same age and not born on the same day. Details, details. You know that's all part of the plan to keep us apart! Now I'm going to have to go to my parents and interrogate them about what they know and have kept hidden from me for all these years, Shellie I advise you to do the same.

But you can't deny the real facts, here's just a few things that Shellie and I have in common:
~We're both girls.
~We're both Mormon.
~We both have brown hair.
~We're both married. (and both our husbands are 4 years older than us)
~We're both fantastically gorgeous.
~We both love e-shopping at Victoria's Secret. (for the clothes, you pervo's.)
~We both blog.
~We both have children.
~We both had braces.
~We both put our foots in our mouth in awkward situations.
~We both hate our names. (for the same reason, that they sound old.)
~We both are friends on Facebook.

SEE! We're eerily alike, don't you think?!

Oh and we both really like this song from Beyonce:
(EDIT: I figured out, if I had a video from YouTube, it won't let you comment! I'm super smart guys! So sorry Shell, here's the link though, JUST FOR YOU SHELLIE! Please watch it!)

Oooh oooh!! And our name's rhyme! Wowee Zowee!
(Shellie, I really did this post because I think this video is hilarious with Justin Timberlake in that leotard and it made me think of you. Hope I didn't creep you out!) ;)

Sunday, February 8, 2009

The Other Realm

I can't sleep.

I've been laying in bed counting sheep for the last 30 minutes. Do you know whats keeping me up?! Of course you don't, so let me fill you in.


I'm a little freaked out guys. One of my first posts, I talked about an old friend and just a few days later, that very same friend requested me on Facebook. So guess what?! IT HAPPENED AGAIN!

I know, scary!

That unrequited love post a few back, the guy from my story requested my friendship today. I've never had this kind of power before...I'm drunk with possibilities...

I should test the limits and write a story about someone I know that's died, you know just to see if this goes beyond the mortal world. OooooOOOoooohhhh! (that's ghosty sounds, so you know.)

Okay, maybe I'm really up because I took a three hour nap earlier, but still you gotta think that's odd in some sort or another, yes? (Not the nap, although yes it is for me, but the Facebook thing.)

Now that I've got that off my chest, maybe I can sleep now.

Hey, this one time, my great grandma read me a story..... do you think it'll work?!

Friday, February 6, 2009

Red Hot Pokers aren't ALL bad right?

Okay, I hurried and did the last post for Sue's carnival (although once again I buckled under the pressure, and came up with "mildly humorous", if that.). But I did have other things to post about as well, so here goes.

So this week has been a little depressing for me. Not because of anything in my personal life, for the most part, but because I keep watching/reading these really really sad love stories. Really sad.

Like The Notebook. Have you guys seen that movie?! Its incredibly heart-wrenching and just sad! Even my husband cried during it. Well, I read the book this week and although the movie and book are a little different, it still made me bawl my little eyes out!

Then last night we watched Becoming Jane. Also, very, very sad! And it's just made me wonder why the world is so dang rude! You know?!

Why do they come up with these "perfect" men?! Why do they throw it in our faces and act like that's what everyone should expect? I think truly there are a lot of good men out there, but I don't know anyone who can be a Mr. Darcy, an Edward or Noah Calhoun. It just doesn't happen.

Take for instance, my husband. Good man, of course. But he has his flaws. I think this is a much more realistic picture of what men, even good men, are like:

Yesterday, I was super sick. Like really yucky kind of sick. As in, I woke up with horrible pains in my stomach, feeling nauseous and really couldn't quite move off the bathroom floor. I was freaking out just a little because I had to go to work (I called in of course), but I didn't know how I was going to take care of the baby that was clinging to my side screaming while I ralphed in the toilet, and the other two kids that live here and also pick one up from school, when I couldn't even stand up straight. My husband was getting ready for work and just wasn't really helping. He took the approach of 'there's nothing I can do, so I won't'. Which only makes me hate him more. I got "thing's" taken care of after awhile to where I could actually move and function, although the shooting pains in my stomach remained all day. Husband called three times. The first time he was polite enough to ask if I was feeling better. Oh, so sweet isn't he? Whatever. It was completely obligatory. Then after he talked about whatever they'd done at work, he had the nerve to ask me what our plans were for the night. Um, hello?! I'M SICK. And therefore evil. Second phone call comes. "Hey honey, I can't help it, but I have to work tonight about an hour late. Another guy had to go early and since I didn't have anything I said I'd stay." You mean 'anything' like a sick wife at home?! Retard. Third phone call. "Hey, Dufus (name changed to protect the stupid) said if I worked until NINE for him, he would give me Jazz tickets. What do you think?" At this point I may have ripped his head off through the phone. I can't recall the exact phrase but I did tell him if the freakin Jazz game was more important than me than GO FOR IT. The idiot.

Don't get me wrong, I love my husband. But there are days where I seriously wonder how many times he was dropped as a child. The thing is, when he's sick, the whole world ends. What happens when Mom's sick? He wants to go to a Jazz game. How does he not see that this isn't okay? It doesn't take a rocket scientist people.

Really I'm okay now, I understand that men are stupid and selfish, and I'm over it--mostly. Here's the lesson that all men need to learn (I will definitely teach this to my son, he will be perfect.):

Women just want you to THINK about them and then tell them! Simple as that. THINK about us, miss us, wonder how we're doing, CARE.
example: When your wife is sick, dote on her! idiot
example: You work late, call her up and say you miss her--and mean it!
example: LISTEN to what she says, like if she's told you for months what she wants for her birthday, BUY that! And not the freakin day before either.

Whew. I feel so much better. I'm not trying to be bitter or mean. Just realistic. I know all of us have things our husband's do that drive us crazy, and sometimes it just feels so good to get it out. I know I do things that bug him too. Its part of life. And marriage.

Now I'm going to go take those red hot pokers out from under his pillow. See how blogging is good for a marriage? I might have done something I would regret later...
The sooner he realizes the world revolves around ME, the better.

Remember to Pack It Up

I'm totally a mall rat. I love it there, for the obvious reason of SHOPPING, but the less obvious reason of: people watching.

Even here in Utahland, there is some great people watching going on. Last week when I was at the mall, I was eating pizza with my kids, looking around at the weirdos, and after a little bit it hit me.


I have to say this shook me to the core. TO. THE. CORE.

Here I was, sitting with my innocent children and this grotesque display of genderitis was in full blown view!

No, this has nothing to do with any silly little gay issue. This has EVERYTHING to do with the clothes these kids are wearing. I know! Now that is a REAL scary issue!

Do you know what I saw?! I tried to burn the image from my brain, but for you, I'll retrieve the image. I saw....

I saw boys wearing these!!!:

These may be made for men, but I'm sorry, leggings do NOT belong on men for ANY reason. The ones I saw at the mall were even more sickly, they had LACE on the edges. LACE!

Now this appears on a woman in the picture, but I saw a guy wearing his scarf just like this! EEEW people, EW! If for some reason you are a man, and you NEED to wear a scarf, do NOT wear it like this, and do not buy your scarf in the women's section!

Now, it goes the other way as well. I'm sure in an attempt to be modest, I've seen women wearing MEN's jean shorts. MEN'S. (The prime culprit being my mother.) They make shorts for women that are to the knee. They're called Bermuda shorts, please for the love of good fashion, buy those. NEVER, ever buy men's pants. In any form. Do you really want all that extra fabric in the crotch area? NO, the answer is definitely no.

Oooooh, isn't she sexy?! Yes, she is, and the skinny jean can be a very sexy thing on a lot of women. But I kept seeing skinny jeans on teenage BOYS! Boys, I tell ya! Gonna be a little graphic with you, but like I stated above, when women wear men's jeans there's extra room in there, but when men wear women's jeans....well, let's just say everything's packed nice and tight. And I threw up in my mouth a little. I had to put the pizza down and walk in a trance-like state away from the food court.

But I got over it when I found a rockin deal on shoes! Whooooo!

Until I saw a guy in there, and then I went straight home and rocked in a corner the rest of the afternoon.

What is this world coming to when kids don't even know what gender they are...sad, sad world...

Submitted for Very Funny Friday by Sue.

Wednesday, February 4, 2009

Hideous on the Outside AND the Inside

I just got off the phone with my older sister. She's only a year and a half older than me, and we get along like peanut butter and jelly. She is the mack mammy, and totally on the hizzle. yo dizzle.

So, I was thinking of some of the fun times my sister and I have had together and I came upon such a memory that probably shouldn't be shared, but I will anyway because I feel like it.

My sister and I used to go into the bathroom, shut the door, stand next to one another and turn to the mirror. When we were ready, we would start making the most hideous faces we could think of. HID-E-OUS. We would laugh hysterically at ourselves and make another face. Sometimes a face would be so bad we'd tell each other: "You should never make that face again. That one was really bad." Because we looked out for each other like that.

Good times we had. Good times...Like when my cousin moved in with my grandparents next door, we were just kids at the time. We would tell her that we were professional tap dancers and would tap dance everywhere we went. We played lots of fun little jokes on this cousin (she's about a year younger than me). Oh, like when body glitter was all the rage, we would mark our arms up and say that fairies bit us. Or my sister would talk in different accents and say it was her real voice, and the cousin would say "Stop that, talk in your REAL voice!" and my sister would change to a different accent and say that that really WAS her REAL voice!! hahahaha

Aaaaaahhhhhh, good times.

Although I feel like I should tell you something. Something about that cousin. I would hate to not be honest with you. Well... that cousin is.....well, um.... slightly handicapped...(hanging head in shame). Before you light the torches and bring out the pitchforks, let me explain. I said slightly, as in she isn't declared by the state as handicapped, but she isn't completely "normal" like you and me. She's very smart and intelligent and a great girl. The thing is, that this cousin LOVES attention, LOVES it. So we knew when we were teasing her like that, that she knew we were teasing and that she loved the game of it all. So really, we were good kids. GOOD. I promise.

Either that or we're totally going to hell.

Now go in the bathroom and smoosh up your face in awful poses and get a good laugh okay? Then come back and tell me about some of your sibling memories. :)

(Hey sis, sorry to sort of throw you under the bus there. You know I think you're awesome. Although, maybe I sort of blame you if I go to hell.... hee hee. Kidding.)

Tuesday, February 3, 2009

Talky Tuesday

I don't understand Wordless Wednesdays. Only because I rarely see anyone who doesn't actually NOT use words. They put up their picture and then they explain it. Even if its something like "this just inspires me." NO WORDY! NO! BAD!! It says wordLESS, that means an absence of words! Hello?! (I don't care if you do wordless wednesdays, its your blog do whatever you want, I'm just rambling okay? Don't be offended.)
So anyway, that picture up there is of the new humidifier we just recently purchased (hence that its new). We got this special kind that you can put Vick's stuff in so that it will help extra with breathing and coughing and whatnot. When I pulled the humidifier out and started setting it up, I saw where you put the medicine in. See above picture. It says "POUR INHALANT HERE''. I don't know why, but I thought that was hysterical at the time. It was like a modern day bong (although there are bong's in this modern day, so....)! Obviously I'm very naive and innocent and have no idea how drug use works. Which I personally think is a good thing.
Okay, I'm gonna go sit by the humidifier and see if I get high. Yeahhh.....maaaannn....

Monday, February 2, 2009

Just real quick...

Hey, I was wondering:
On the last post, about Dirty Dancing, can you leave a comment? No, I'm not asking you to leave a comment; I'm asking if its physically possible to leave a comment. Because I can't see the option when I look at it. And it's not getting comments. So I'm not sure why it's doing that. And I'm checking if it does it on this post as well.
Okay, let me know. Thanks!

update: Okay, I can see the comments on this one, but still not on the last one. I swear I'm not technically stupid (as in stupid with technology...not the other...) So, I suppose you can leave a comment for the last post here. Or if you know why its doing that, fill me in! :)